When Captain Cowell realized that the HMS American Idol had hit an iceberg, he decided that going down with the ship was a chump move. Quickly summoning an X Factor helicopter to pick up him and him alone, he abandoned the rest of the crew to their icy, pitchy water-graves and shouted, "I said, 'Good day!'" before texting Paula Abdul for a late dinner.

Now it's Ellen's turn. She just left. No one knows why. They say it was all her decision. But there've already been rumors floating around that executive producer/big boss Simon Fuller was coming back to the show and was ready to clear the decks anyway.

Adam Lambert is reported to be in the studio recording a new version of "My Heart Will Go On," rearranged as a duet with Taylor Hicks. All proceeds from the single will go to the Randy Jackson/Kara Dioguardi Memorial Fund. Because they drowned.

Some clubs leave you speechless. Others legless. But how about sightless? That's exactly what happened to me when representatives from London's Horse Meat Disco crew hit North America last summer.

HMD residents Jim Stanton and James Hillard had been rocking the crowd at Portland's Holocene for hours. I'd never imagined I'd see a packed dance floor go nuts to Loose Joints' 1980 underground classic "Is It All Over My Face" in 2009, but they'd made it happen. Suddenly, the opening bars of Stevie Nicks' "Stand Back" kicked in. A loud whoop of recognition rang out, I began spinning like an ecstatic dervish -- and my glasses flew off my face and into the throng. Happily, some queen with 20/20 and a conscience found them before all those happy dancing feet ground my specs into powder. But even if I hadn't gotten my sight back, temporary loss of vision would've been a small price to pay. Because Horse Meat Disco is, as our friends across the pond say, truly a top night out.

Zsa Zsa Gabor has one of those knock-em-dead old lady bodies we all look forward to dragging in and out of Cadillacs, sixty-six years down the road. God bless her -- core like a crock pot full of Vodka, caviar, and lamb hocks, legs like the chopsticks she uses for VERY fancy up-do's. Oh, right, and a big European mouth with more confidence than teeth, which flaps and quips and moans indistinguishable clouds of wise sexuality, all while "exercising" to stay "beautiful." Thanks to our friends at ThisIsFyf for finding this relic of FITNESS, hosted by the Queen of Diamonds (new nickname, spread the word) Zsa Zsa: "It's simple, darling."

All jokes aside, Zsa Zsa recently suffered a spill, and had a hip replacement, from which her recovery has been slow and not-so-normal. So, as we all work out along with her right now in our offices, let's put out a thought-wave of healing glamour for Zsa Zsa. C'mon, mend that hip, sister, "It's Simple, Daaaaaahlink."

Watch Zsa Zsa get all stretched out by a dude so muscular Falcon's like "we're gonna need a bigger website!" (After the jump!)

Broadway star Cheyenne Jackson -- the reincarnation of Rock Hudson, if Rock Hudson were cool and out and could also sing and dance as well as act -- dished the dirt to The New York Times about his role on Glee next season. (Why didn't he call us? Did he lose our cell phone number? We emailed it to him, like, 20 times. Strange.)

Anyway, Jackson will play the vocal coach for our show choir's bitter rivals Vocal Adrenaline. As crazed Gleeks know, Jackson was going to play the choreographer for VA last season but was felled by the flu and replaced by...wait for it...Idina Menzel. (How Broadway-crazed can a sitcom get? Who would they get to replace, say, Matthew Broderick? Betty Buckley?)

Jackson has a multi-episode arc, as they say in the biz. But how "multi" is unclear. (More than one episode; less than 22, he cheekily told the Times.)

It's just the latest success for Jackson, who also has a recurring role in 30 Rock and a guest stint on Curb Your Enthusiasm. All he needs now is a romantic lead in a movie (maybe competing with T.R. Knight for the affections of Katherine Heigl?) and we can lay to rest once and for all the idea that out gay actors can't do it all.

After the jump, check out Jackson on the Tony Awards for Xanadu because the introduction is by Lily Tomlin, because he's wearing those shorts, and because well, it's Xanadu!

As I'm sure you can imagine, corporations - and the people who run them - don't always support progressive politicians. Of course, there are lots of exceptions to the rule, but it shouldn't come as a huge surprise that many corporations love tax cutting, regulation opposing Republicans. But Target is getting a lot of attention right now. In fact, there just might be a boycott on the horizon.

Target CEO Gregg Steinhafel gave $150,000 to MNForward, a "pro-business" group backing Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer. Emmer is the only candidate running for governor in Minnesota to oppose gay marriage. His website touts the standard hyper-conservative Republican fare, even though Minnesota is generally quite moderate. Steinhafel has also been linked to a $10,000 to Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin.

In all fairness, Gregg Steinhafel has said he does not support most of Emmer's social stances, but rather his fiscal policy. This is reinforced by Target's 100% Corporate Equality Index rating from the Human Rights Campaign.

In a country that loves oppressing the gays, it's easy to lose track of what we can and can't do. Understandably, most of us spend more time worrying about the progression of marriage equality rather than employment non-discrimination or Don't Ask, Don't Tell. But as the Human Rights Campaign reminds us, in over fifty percent of the states, we are still subject to housing discrimination.

This means we can legally be discriminated against when shopping for a home, or even evicted at the end of a lease. In a report that covered housing discrimination in Michigan, it enumerated:

A landlord who remarked, "No drugs, prostitution, homosexuality or one-night-stands..."

Lesbian test couples given rent prices higher than straight test couples

My personal favorite: One real estate agent who told a lesbian test couple, "Two women doesn't bother me; it's two men I don't understand. I think it's gross."

Twenty years ago, this picture caused a lot of trouble.

The agonizing, heartbreaking image appeared in LIFE magazine, taken by then-journalism graduate student Therese Frare. Then, in 1992, it appeared in a shocking ad for Benetton, a company that at the time routinely pushed emotional buttons with their progressive imagery, using advertising as a form of corporate activism.

That's when it all really hit the fan. People on the right and the left freaked out, claiming it mocked Christianity, mocked people with AIDS, was exploiting the family, was being cynically used to sell colorful casual separates. You name it, someone was angry about it.

Of course, the family and the dying man himself, an activist named David Kirby, were aware of their participation and very willing to become the public face of a disease that had been shrouded in shame.

Whether you remember the controversy or you're too young to have been aware of it at the time, check out this link to Frare's other never-before-published photographs from that moment.

OK, there are fans and then there are fanatics. When it comes to Christina Aguilera, we are fans. (Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Fanatics. But that's a different story.)

Let's face it. Aguilera's new album Bionic is simply not her best. She seems a little lost, and the first two singles were the underwhelming "Not Myself Tonight" (you're telling us?) and "Woohoo," which made oral sex seem silly. For shame.

Now finally, with the third single into the project (and after she already delayed her tour due to lack of rehearsal time -- and lack of sales, presumably), we finally get to the first good song on the album, "You Lost Me." Ironically, she won us back with this one, a power ballad about some lover that done her wrong and no she is not in a forgiving mood. (After all these years, simply using the word "infected" in a song can still be jarring.) Overall, it's a solid effort -- not enough to turn the album around commercially, perhaps, but certain to do better on the charts than the first two.

And the video (after the jump) is just deliciously retro: First Aguilera is seen in a Flashdance sort of top that hangs off her shoulder; then she's angrily pushing away a shirtless, sculpted dude who doesn't even get his face on camera; and then she's clothed in white and fading away like an angel falling backwards into heaven.

We don't want a bionic girl, we want a human one, and Aguilera seems to have remembered that here.