1. You should post this on Joanne's board if you haven't already!
Every story is different. I have been out for 25 yrs. I thought I was straight too. My life changed when I fell in love with my best friend. I was blindsighted by the whole thing. I went through the I'm not gay it's just her stage. It is a process and a journey that forces one to rethink all aspects of their lives.
Thanks for your story.

Posted at 4:05PM on Mar 7th 2007 by Susan

2. I often take a lot of heat on various political boards for suggesting that the mechanism which causes people to be gay may express itself differently in men and women. My own completely unscientific experience seems to suggest that homosexuality is almost never a choice for gay men, but that choice *does* often comes into play for women--that their sexuality may be more fluid then men's as a whole. Of course, since the *choice* issue is becoming increasingly politicized, we're beginning to see fewer and fewer lesbians actually admitting that they chose to be so--but it was once quite common to hear women yes, they chose to be lesbians, and are proud of the choice.

Posted at 5:58PM on Mar 7th 2007 by adamblast

3. I'm surprised that Oprah was surprised. These experiences are congruent with lots of research about sexual orientation. Despite the flaws of Alfred Kinsey, in many ways his summation of the human experience of sexual orientation on a continuum is congruent with people's lived experiences.

In the lesbian community while many have been reticient to use the label "bisexual" it can be an accurate label over a lifetime of sexual activity. What we call ourselves, what names we give to our experiences is in many ways dependent on cultural constructs and what words and models that we are given to construct our own experiences.

Interesting post!

Posted at 7:28PM on Mar 7th 2007 by Julie

4. Brava for you, really. I am really sick and tired of people politicizing the "choice" issue. Ultimately the idea that we are born this way buys us nothing politically anyway. The assumption that if we can just prove we are all born this way, no one will discriminate against us anymore is a crock. The reality line is, some people are born totally gay, some are born totally straight. Many are somewhere in the middle and many could go either way and be happy given the right circumstances. I also agree with the idea that there are probably more women in the middle ground than men. However, this whole concept flies in the face of conformist tribal lines that say we can't help being gay, and is threatening to those who need such boundaries to feel secure. The bottom line for me is - who gives fig if it's a choice or not? Even if it were a total choice for every single person who was gay, we would still have every right in the world to choose it, and no one has the right to tell us we don't.

Posted at 7:31PM on Mar 7th 2007 by LTG

5. I completely agree about the choice issue. I chose to be married to a man. I like the idea that we all have choices. We do. Let us not forget!

Posted at 11:15PM on Mar 7th 2007 by TrishComicMom

6. i am with oprah on this one, i am gay and have NEVER had any sexual feeling towards a woman, i find it hard to believe that you never had any feelings towards a woman until late in your years. that's amazing, i guess everyone is different.

Posted at 2:30PM on Mar 8th 2007 by johnosahon

7. I'm with Julie.

Unfortunately, "bisexual" is such a dirty word both inside and outside our community that most are unwilling to apply it to themselves. Bisexuals are often mischaracterized as slutty nymphomaniacs who continually "need both" in order to be sexually "satisfied" ... when the truth is, a bisexual is simply an individual with the emotional and sexual capacity to be attracted to both men and women, even if one is more attracted to one gender than the other, even if they form monogamous relationships (which, like most other people, most of them do).

Posted at 4:49PM on Mar 8th 2007 by Red7Eric

8. I believe that I have been gay all my life. When I was young I used to chase this really cute girl around the playground, catch her, give her a bear hug and let her go. (Come to think of it I still do that)
But my attraction to girls was only slightly greater than my attraction to boys. I didn't date in high school, but was still attracted to both boys and girls.
It wasn't until after having sex with both that I realized that sexaully I perfered women. Later I also realized that on an emotional level I felt more comfortable and compatible with women.
I don't see either of thoes as choices. That's just the way I think I'm wired.
But that isn't to say I did not make a choice. I believe that I could have lived a happily contented life as a heterosexaul wife and mother. But I chose not too.
It's different for everyone. Just as we are not divided between butch or femm, it only makes since that for some it's what they are and for others it's what they choose.

Posted at 2:08PM on Mar 15th 2007 by raine666