As sure as daffodils come up in spring, this is the point of the 'American Idol' season when the gay stuff starts oozing out all over. It's heaven. With that, I give you this week's three gayest moments:



1) I'm tempted to say my dear little Sanjaya owns all three of them. Call me crazy, but I actually love this kid. Why? Well, there's no real polite way to say this: he's got balls. He's a sissy with the hugest testicles ever -- as most sissies are. If you think sissies are cowards, you're mistaken, very mistaken.

For Sanjaya to walk out on stage wearing seven ponytails to create the most sissy-fabu faux-hawk in the history of mankind, he sets himself apart as a brave soul indeed. At 17, he may be one of the most ridiculed people on the planet right now (George Bush, notwithstanding), and yet he cares not. He marches to the beat of a different drummer and smiles while 'American Snide-l' teases him. So he gets the top spot for gayest moment this week which, in case you didn't know, is the hugest compliment I can pay.

2) Gwen Stefani. You do know that Gwen is a mega gay icon. Three years ago, The Stranger called her "the new homo hero." Gwen was the cover girl on the gay magazine, Instinct, a few issues ago and told its editors how crazy in love she is with the gays and their music. She even dreams of doing gay cabaret: "My act would cover a wide range of styles, from early ska/reggae classics to Broadway classics and a couple 80s dance tunes. (I'd have) the red lipstick and the platinum blonde hair! Oh, and great backlighting, always great backlighting."

I would so be in the front row, too, sipping on Lillet, channeling Noel Coward and wishing some of her backlighting would backlight me. L-O-V-E her.

3) Gay Song Alert! Both Lakisha and Haley paid tribute to

the gays this week with their song choices. Lakisha gave us some real original disco with Donna Summers' 'Last Dance.' Did you catch her little gay disco twirl at the end? (Cue whistle, tambourine and disco flag.)

And Haley tried to win gay hearts with 'True Colors,' one of our most beloved gay anthems of all time which is why the song title is also the name of Cyndi Lauper's gay rights concert tour which launches in June. You go, girls!


Now, here are this week's contestant scores ranked from 1.0 to 5.0, with 1 being Congresswoman/plagiarizer Jean Schmidt and 5 being Gene Kelly.


Melinda: 4.8
Melinda takes the top spot this week. She looked fab, (love that top!), she could probably entertain a crowd in her sleep, and the girl just knows how to sell a song. It was good to hear her do something up-tempo, too.


Blake 4.7
You heard Blake sing *me* a 'Love Song,' right? Riiiight. Gawd, he's so silky smooth. His voice is like a baby's bottom and he's a true original. Blake and I will be so happy together. Wish us luck!


Jordin: 4.5
Jordin continues to deliver solidly. Loved how she matched her outfit to her song (I do that sometimes, too). She was playful and full of girl power and I loved her.


Gina 4.1
Unlike Lakisha, Gina felt it, sang it and sold it this week. I loved her passion in 'I'll Stand by You' and she gets big kudos for improving big time over last week.


Lakisha: 4.0
I'm shocked that I would score Lakisha so low, but in comparison to her competition, this is where she belongs this time. The problem? Her songs are too predictable (read: yawn). With lungs that big, she needs to step out of the box, sit on it, and give it to us good. She's playing this waaaaay too safe. She's belting it, but not selling it. You heard it here: She may have peaked already in this competition.


Chris R. and Phil: TIE @ 3.5
The two boys tie this week with a mediocre 3.5. They're both cutie-pattooties, have sexy eyes, and can both fill out a pair of jeans, I must say. I don't mind their singing, I even kind of like it, but they're not winners.


Haley: 3.0
She's getting better, but showing more signs than ever of McPhee-ver. I thought human cloning was still illegal?


Sanjaya: 2.75
My little waif was so sugar-pop Donny Osmond this week he could sweeten my coffee by dipping his finger in my cup. He worked it for his 12-year-old fans. As mentioned above, I love this fella. I still think he *can* sing, he just hasn't yet. Sanjaya -- pull it out, doll!


Chris Sligh: 2.25
Chris may be bringing chubby back, but he's bringing Karaoke with it. Chris' timing was horrid, and his jokes were lame, too. He gets my American Snide-l of the week: Chris, just because you make chubby "cute," it doesn't make you a singer. As Cyn told Tess McGill in 'Working Girl': "Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will."


Agree? Disagree? C'mon, tell me. I can take it. Oh -- and who's going home? I say Chris Sligh.

Bonus Video:
This just hit the Web. It makes fun of Sanjaya, but sort of in a loving way, right? Riiight.

'Sanjaya Anthem'


UPDATE 3-28-07
As predicted, Chris Sligh was voted off. It had to happen.