Germans are cool.

I spent a fair amount of time in Berlin a few years ago and also checked out Hamburg and some other places. Sadly, the only hamburger I had while in Hamburg was from Mcdonalds! That missed opportunity still haunts me to this day. I was young (20) and ignorant.

My German accent is ridiculously bad, but I must say I did pick up the language pretty fast. You see, I take my travel and cultural opportunities very seriously. Einstein never learned the combination to his locker at school because he believed it was not smart to clutter your mind with such insignificant things.

So I took Einstein's approach while in Germany. I learned only what was most important: I can ask you if you speak German, tell you I'm hungry, tell you I'm tired, tell you I have no money, I can say with much confidence that you are really eff'd up, and I can ask you if you would like me to lick your nipple. And if you are lucky enough to be on the subway at 4am, and I'm anywhere near you while I'm drunk, I can proposition you and your friends to return to my host's apartment for some after hour nachtspiel.

I never had a chance to go skiing or snowboarding while I was in Deutschland, but if I did, I would imagine it would have gone a little something like this:

(Tanja Fornaro und Nicole Marischka in "Plötzlich Erwachsen" aka "Powder Park")