
Let's face it, ever since the days of Sapphos, lesbians have entered relationships at warp speed. The excerpt below is a passage from a poem written by Sapphos herself while living on the Isle of Lesbos at the time of Ancient Greece:
"but come--if ever before
having heard my voice from far away
you listened, and leaving your father's
golden home you camein your chariot yoked with swift, lovely
sparrows bringing you over the dark earth
thick-feathered wings swirling down
from the sky through mid-airarriving quickly--you, Blessed One,
with a smile on your unaging face
asking again what have I suffered
and why am I calling again..."
There's the age old running joke Q:"What does a lesbian bring on the second date?" A: "A U-Haul" and for some reason, all lesbians are guilty of going through this at least once in their dating lives. So what's up with lesbians and their tendency to progress in a relationship at lighting speed? Well, I've come up with a few of my own theories that I would like to explore here.
Theory 1 - The low-income theory
This theory targets the younger lesbian population, either collegiate lesbians or recently graduated lesbians who have recently entered the working world. These women usually find themselves in crappy entry-level jobs which pay slightly over the poverty line. It is also known that most women graduate with substantial amounts of student loan debt and find themselves struggling to make ends meet in the real word. If lesbian 1 happens upon a lady caller of interest, it immediately becomes apparant to her that having said lady move in would subsequently reduce ther rent by 50% with the sharing of living costs. This would make paying for their already too-pricey ultra-hip art district studio apartment a lot easier on the wallet. With that said, the lady being courted might be encouraged rather rapidly to pack up her U-Haul and move on in.
Theory 2 - The beloved pet theory
This theory targets lesbian pet owners and the women they date. There are two classes of lesbians; the dog lesbians and the cat lesbians. Very rarely will you encounter a lesbian who shares a love for both species, it is almost always one or the other. Often times two women will start dating, one of whom owns a pet (we'll call it "Fluffy" for reasons of consistency). Lesbian 1 is very loyal to Fluffy; she has had him for many years and they are great companions. Then, lesbian 1 meets lesbian 2 and the sparks really fly. The relationship progresses in a great direction and they are spending a lot of time together. Suddenly, lesbian 1 starts to experience pangs of guilt for her neglect towards Fluffy. Fluffy has started to rebel by peeing on the carpets and pooping in the bathtub. Feeling torn between her new lover and her beloved pet, lesbian 1 comes to the conclusion that the only way to keep everyone happy and continue on with her life is to invite lesbian 2 to move in with her, and thus the U-Haul is packed up and off they go.
Theory 3 - The ugly theory
The ugly theory is simple, so I won't waste too much of your time here. It targets lesbians who feel they are ugly and find they have to compensate for their percieved ugliness with a really fantastic personality. This breed of lesbian's fear of rejection and the idea of never finding true love may lead to slight delirium. In these cases, the delirium may cause the lesbian to attach themselves to the first woman that shows a vested interest in them. This can lead to attached-at-the-hip-syndrome and ultimately cause the delirious lesbian to invite their new girlfriend to move in as soon as possible. This false sense of security that comes with the idea that if you live with your girlfriend, than you must be in a stable long-term relationship. Given the reality of how lesbian drama in these circumstances usually plays out, this situation almost always ends up in tragedy for the not-so-happily married couple.
Theory 4 - The first girlfriend theory
This theory is for everyone, whether you dated guys first (unfortunately) or you have only been with girls, if you're a lesbian you had to start somewhere and that somewhere was your first girlfriend. Whether you spent just a few short weeks, or many long years together, there is no denying that they were probably some of the most intense moments of your life. You probably stopped calling all your friends, had more sex than you ever imagined possible, and disappeared off the face of the earth (and this is all within the first month). And with all those endorphins flowing, who could resist jumping on the bandwagon and getting your own place together? So the U-Haul pulls up and for a few months, all is happy in paradise, and then reality sets in. The true colors shine and you pack up your U-Haul and flee the nest in search of your next great love. Don't worry though, you'll certainly never forget your first girlfriend, you'll also never make that mistake again.
So here I will conclude this segment on theories of the lesbian U-Haul phenomena. The next time you're ready to pack up your stuff and run off to a tropical island with your new girlfriend, stop and think about your motives. Is it really because her pet Fluffy is so damn cute? Is it because she makes enough money to cover the cost of living and pay for the groceries? Or is it because you are simply too scared to be alone? Whatever the reason (and I don't care how great the sex is), make sure to re-think everything through 10 times or else you might find yourself stuck with a mortgage and a not-so-cute pet that pees on the carpet and poops in the tub.
Why do you think lesbians are quick to pack up their U-Haul and move in together? I'd love to hear your stories!!
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Comments:
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Wednesday 18 June
By Brazil
I've been dating my first girlfriend for about a month now. We both are in long term relationships with men but really started to like each other. I am her second girlfriend, but this is my first experience with a girl. I'm 28 and she is 24. I feel like I am totally addicted to her. I thought about inviting her to move in with me several times. She told me that feelings women develop for other women are stronger than the ones for men. In my case, the sexual attraction is off the hook and I just wish I could have her every day.
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Saturday 24 January
By Peggy Bell
I hate it when history [hystory] is botched.
It's not Sapphos. The Poetess of Lesbos was Sappho and in her own dialect she called herself Psappha.
The fragment translation posted is about the Goddess Aphrodite NOT about a human lover. Not that she did not write many of those.
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Saturday 16 January
By Jo Mead
I have always found that the social pressure to jump into bed with a woman I've just met and am attracted to is huge - my well-meaning lesbian friends will openly encourage it and collude to engineer situations that cast us alone together. The very idea of waiting till I have got to know my new love interest before becoming sexual is considered bizarre, by friends and by the woman in question herself. The presumption is that I'm scared of sex, have possibly had a traumatic experience, and no amount of explaining that I simply want to know the person I'm being intimate with seems to dispel this notion. There are no social inhibitors preventing me from rushing into sex as there seems to be with heterosexual couples; quite the opposite. I find the pressure to become sexual is so great that, with my own mounting lust, I find it hard to maintain the willpower to delay sexual activity for very long. I almost always feel that I've entered into sexual relations way, way, way too soon for my own emotional equilibrium. I feel that on a deep level, the only way I can cope with the intense intimacy of sex with a stranger is to shut myself down at a certain emotional level - this being done at the very beginning of the relationship dooms it to an intense, short-term affair. I always think, "I knew this would happen and I won't do it next time" and next time either the same thing happens or, more tragically, I succeed in slowing down the 'courtship' process, get to know my love interest, find my initial attraction has deepened to love based on shared experience over time and just as I feel ready to progress the relationship onto a sexual level, she decides we can't become lovers because we've become friends and she doesn't want to lose a good friend. I suspect that it is society's lack of cultural mores regulating same-sex intimate relationships, which until recently, have been illegal and/or underground, that is the culprit. I hope that with discussion forums like this and with greater legitimacy afforded to same-sex partnerships by the mainstream society, lesbian intimate relationships will become more healthy and sustainable.
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Wednesday 15 August
By jennifer
if you watch mtv's "engaged and underage", there was a young lesbian couple featured on the show. in a part of the episode, the couple got into a huge fight, and one of them says something like, "why do you even want to be with me?!" and the other one mutters out, "i dont want to be alone!" and instead of the first one freaking out. they actually hugged one another as if it was the sweetest thing ever said. i dont know about you, but i know if someone told me that was the reason for being with me, id run!
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Thursday 16 August
By Lynn
I think that we as women are raised growing up that we need to fall in love, get married, and be in a stable relationship or loving relationship if we want to sleep with someone. Love is associated with sex, sex is associated with love; but you can't separate the two. If you do want to sleep around, you are called a whore. So the dilemma is, if you want some sweet loving, you have to try to get into a relationship as fast as you can so you can get the sex. But then, the lesbian death bed syndrome occurs after a year, and then you are stuck in this home with another women that you realized that you really weren't in love with; all you wanted to do was bang her. If we were raised to separate the two, their would be no uhaul, we would have fun fulfilling are sexual desires, and when we truly did meet someone that we connected with, I think we would have healthier relationships. That's my theory.
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Thursday 16 August
By Richelle
I think you forgot about the we have in common that we are gay syndrome! I think woman get together because they haev discovered the other is gay and hey "I'm gay" so lets get together and move in. Why not, who else am I going to find out there. The problem is once you live together that's it - you have to deal with the other person. If you get to know each other first then you can decide if their quirks are something you want to deal with! Thanks Renee for reminding me to stay single! :)
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Thursday 16 August
By Stephanie
Call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe in love! I didn't move in with my spouse until 1 1/2 years of dating and then this April we were married in Canada. I enjoy being different in more ways than one!
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Wednesday 22 August
By katheryn
Nice article Renee. I've personally experienced some of all four theories and it not only brought back some memories, but made me re-think about a very recent relationship. As they often do, your writings have a way of haunting me (in a good way, of course!). My life is in flux right now and I should probably be single for awhile. I guess I'm one of those whose heart guides my actions and leaves my brain to pick up the pieces. :)
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Saturday 18 August
By Alice
LOL....never used a u-haul, but my extra pillow always come out when my whoever my current girlfriend is moves in.
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Sunday 19 August
By Becky
I've been in a three-year, monogamous relationship where we have maintained separate residences the entire time. Oh, we have discussed living together on and off, but both of us are relatively content living separately. She lives with her older sister---that's her "safety net" and I have always been most content and at peace with my life when I've lived alone. We are just too different to be able to share a domicile harmoniously and that was apparent from the beginning. I wonder how many of the youger lesbians out there have read Simone de Bouvior or know that she and Jean-Paul Sarte were lovers for over 30 years, never married, and always maintained separate residences, and their own autonomy. Living together isn't the only option for happily-ever-after or keeping U-Haul in business.
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Tuesday 21 August
By Helen
Woman are nest builders. We don't usually like living alone.
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Tuesday 28 August
By Patricia
Seems like I went through all of these in growing up.
Loneliness, and being different, and finding someone like yourself, is big, when you are shy growing up, and not around other gay people.
Then, the nesting, and the attraction, and the sex, all grab us by the ..... and we, being practical, rent that uhaul, to get together with this wonderfully interesting person.
Growing up, we learn to wait, to observe, to learn the different personalities and querks, and then determine if we can live with that.
Sometimes alone, is better, if one needs independence and control of one's life.
My relationship is good. I have control of my life, yet share with someone who fills me in many ways. We have been together happily, for 8 years.
Pat
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