A couple of days ago, my co-blogger in crime Richard Rothstein posted a video from American Eagle clothiers whose latest marketing gimmick includes taking a gay stereotype to a whole new level of sissy.

In the video, the gay guy is portrayed as a ridiculous femmy boy who eyes an unwitting straight guy with the carnivourous look of a female tiger in heat. It's all for laughs, of course, the straight guy wants none of it. The gay guy is so over the top ... what ... faggy?, that we're all supposed to be disgusted by him.

People are up in gay arms that American Eagle is using an offensive stereotype in their marketing, but the problem is really much bigger than American Eagle's idiotic video. The problem is that much of our society -- and that includes straights as well as many gays -- hates sissies, and that, my friends, is a huge problem. More about this in a minute.

Also two days ago, another co-blogger in crime, Sanford Marcus, pitched to me the idea of posting a video of YouTube actor Chris Crocker who uploaded an emotional plea to the world to 'LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!' Sanford saw that the video would become viral wildfire on the Web, but I basically told him I thought it would be very difficult for us to position the video without it turning into a sissy-hate-fest.

Crocker's uber-gayness and drama-queen-times-a-million plea to leave Britney alone was designed to be laughed at (Crocker now says it's serious and not a joke), so I asked Sanford not to post it for the simple reason that I have no interest in QueerSighted serving as a place for people to drop into to hate on the gays.

[More on sissies, plus photos, after the jump]



Today, 'Leave Britney Alone!' is all the rage, of course. Crocker's video clocked over 2 million views on YouTube in 48 hours and has been written about in the mainstream press. And did people hate on the big sissy? Oh yeah. Consider ABC News' "reporting" about the comments viewers left on YouTube responding to gay-boy Crocker's "tear-smudged eyeliner" delivery. ABC wrote, "Comments ... ranged from 'Seek therapy NOW. This is NOT normal behavior' to 'someone please shoot this fa**ot.'"

I am more than a little disturbed that ABC News would reprint a violent hate comment like "someone please shoot this fa**ot." I wonder if they would reprint racist comments along the same lines commonly found on YouTube and other public forums. I guess it might look something like, "Someone please shoot this ni**er"? Can you see that line appearing as part of an entertainment story on ABC News (and subsequently syndicated onto AOL News)? I highly doubt it, but hey, sissies are fair game, right?

Basically, both of these incidents come down to the fact that people hate a sissy, aka anyone who acts too gay (read: too effeminate.) Not only do straight people hate gays who act too gay, but gay people seem to as well. Referring to Crocker of 'Leave Britney Alone' fame, the gay blog The Malcontent said, "Larry Craig has finally been dethroned from the top of my list of gays who embarrass us all ... I shared this with several gay friends. Three out of four responses included, 'What. A. Fag.' *nod nod*"

So this is what it's come to? Not even gay people can avoid focusing on the sissy aspects of Crocker's performance, instead of its hyper-emotional, troubled angst. A sissy has embarrassed gay people more than a right-wing homophobic closet case who has all of straight America convinced that gay men are obsessed with toilet sex. Is it just me, or is something wrong with this picture?

As much as I deeply admire Richard Rothstein's analysis of the gay world, I have to respectfully disagree with the position he took on QueerSighted that "it's our fault" that America portrays gays as jokes. I don't agree with the theory that when gay people applaud stereotypes put forth by sissies like Carson Kressley and William Sledd, we shoot ourselves in the Prada loafers because the straight world is going to think less of us or not take us seriously.

My reason for saying so is this: Kressley and Sledd ARE what gays look like. Not all gays, of course. Gays come in every size, shape and degree of gay/straight mannerisms, but yes, Virginia, sissies really do still exist.

There are also plenty of guys and gals you'd never guess are gay, most gay people fall somewhere in between, but does that mean we have to hide all our super-sissies in order to get the respect we say we deserve? At what cost?

For some of us, this issue hits perhaps too close to home. Think back: Were you ever a gay-acting kid? Did you have tomboy traits as a girl, or sissy tendencies as a boy? Most of us who did reacted to sissy-teasing and abuse by working like hell to act not-gay, even though it really was part of who we were. It's quite sad that society pressures us so early in our lives to kill off the parts of us deemed unfit for our gender, turning even some of the sissiest among us into major sissyphobes.

Is this what we're fighting for? The right to act straight? To only be portrayed in the media as straight-acting doctors and lawyers, not, God forbid, the fabulously talented florists and designers and artists that many of us are? And what of the gay-acting doctors? Gee, and here I thought we were fighting for the right just to be ourselves.

I'm not saying gay life should only be portrayed in the media by the effeminate stereotypes, but as long as people (including gays) hate on sissies, our lives are only being tolerated because we've molded ourselves to look like and act like "the norm," leaving our sissy brethren behind to catch the next bus.

I wish we would embrace our sissies. Ugly Betty's Justin Suarez is my hero. He's twelve years old and subscribes to Martha Stewart Living and loves fashion and knows his Sondheim from his Jerry Herman. And neither his TV-family nor fans of the show give a damn. Justin is happy because he just gets to be Justin.

My best friend from the time I was about 18 was a huge sissy. Devin plucked his eyebrows to within an inch of their lives, had lots of femmy mannerisms and didn't care one whit who had a problem with it. It was who he was. Devin died 12 years ago at the age of 33, and I'd give just about anything to have him back, partly because his very sissy-ness enriched my life so much.

I will admit there were times that being with him out in the world challenged my own insecurities. One glaring event when we were 25 years old still sticks in my mind:

I was in my office one day when Devin showed up unexpectedly. When he appeared at my desk he said, "Would you look at this overcoat I'm wearing? It's a woman's coat. I just bought it that darling thrift shop we like. The lining is hand-stitched silk! I had to have it. I think it makes me look like Betty Grable, don't you? Want to grab some lunch?"

I froze. As my eyes worked their way around the office, I saw my White House colleagues (yes, that White House) listening, alarmed as they watched Devin spin around showing me his fabulous ladies coat, holding it open so I could see the hand-stitched silk lining.

I was mortified, and proceeded to let my own sissyphobia take over. I told him he had to leave at once and was never to visit me at work again.

That night, I wrestled with what had happened and how I'd reacted, coming to a very guilt-laden realization that I had placed the opinions of people who mattered very little to me above a relationship that mattered very much.

I called Devin, apologized, and told him that I'd learned a really important lesson that day. I also said I had been an ass, that I loved him and yes, in fact, he did look very Betty Grable in the coat.

My friendship with Devin kept me honest. I was out as a young gay man, but there definitely was no hiding what we were when we were out in the world together. Because of that, Devin made me braver, and I am a better person for having known him.

Sissies and other gay freaks and misfits are the real warriors of the gay movement. They are the brave ones. They have to fight much harder than the straight-acting gay man we're so desperate to have portray us in the media. While society mocks them in stupid marketing gimmicks or turns them into good Internet fodder, sissies go out into the world everyday just being themselves. No excuses, and no apologies.

That's what I'm fighting for. And for Devin.