Susan pitches:

Let me begin by saying that I am thrilled to be blogging for QueerSighted. I can finally and proudly say that I have a Gay Profession. Clearly, some professions are better than others, and so it is with Gay Professions. While I love what I do for a living, and am only 723 blogs shy of my mortgage payment, not everyone is so lucky. This thought compelled me to compile a list of what might be considered the World's Worst Gay Professions.

(Warning, Mature Content, Audio NSFW:)

I made one "itty bitty" mistake when the idea for this post first began dancing in my head. I emailed the idea along with an example to Richard Rothstein, who immediately responded with a funnier example. Not to be outdone, I responded, then he responded, then me, then he, then ... sometime around midnight, exhausted and fully satiated, we collapsed onto our respective desks, smoked a cigarette and fell gently into a self-satisfied slumber.



It was the closest thing to straight sex I have had in a very long time, only much better, since there was no touching involved. I have my fantasies about Richard. Sometimes I close my eyes and I visualize him looking like Emma Thompson. Were it not for the fact that he has chest hair, a penis, and a disconcerting affinity for orange road cones, I would run off to Canada with him for a LOGO wedding. But I digress. It was quite clear to me that this post, in all fairness, could not be my own. I now release you into the capable and hairy arms of Emma Rothstein.

Richard catches:

I can live with Emma. I would have preferred something like Clytaemnestra--but that's only because I would love to have a name that is very difficult to shout during sex. I like to challenge my lovers. It's part of being a power bottom. But I digress. I was intrigued by this particular partnership because I have had some really bad gay jobs, well one in particular. Many years ago and only months after I had come out, I was asked by my fellow board members at a large public relations firm to provide counsel in support of the Boy Scouts of America efforts to ban homosexuals. I was told that public relations professionals are like lawyers and it is our duty to provide representation for any client that writes a big enough check. (And no, lawyers and public relations counselors are not like whores--our hourly rates are much higher.)

So when Susan raised the issue of worst gay jobs, I couldn't resist. Over the next few weeks, Susan and I will dig deeply into the compost heap of our merged imaginations and come up with the top ten worst gay jobs in a wide range of industries and fields.

Susan and I have had some debate over how to define a gay job. The job has to have some really unhappy or insulting gay connection based on fact, rumor or just plain bitchiness. It can be as obvious as Elton John's hair stylist, as subtle as Ann Coulter's proctologist or as bitchy as Liza Minnelli's matchmaker.

After several weeks of these top ten lists, we will ask you to vote on your favorite top ten worst gay jobs of all time--write in suggestions will be welcomed along the way. And the first person to prove that he or she actually has one of these top ten worst gay jobs will win an annual membership on eHarmony. Second prize will be flying to New York at your own expense so that I can take nude photographs of you in The Ramble. Third prize will be a free correspondence poetry class from Rosie O"Donnell (which will actually be Susan dumbing herself down to pretend to be Rosie.)

Susan and I remain undecided on the subject for the first list. I'm inclined to go with top ten worst gay jobs in sanitation; Susan's leaning in favor of animal husbandry (she's so lesbianish!) We'll let you know shortly.


Susan Corrects Richard:
Dear Emma - When I mentioned animal husbandry, I was referring to jobs involving former Senator, Rick "man on dog" Santorum. Sanitation? How typical. Stop trying to ruin my fantasy and pull your head out of the potty.