I try to stay light on weekends and just report on the most important gay story of the week, the story that advances our fight for civil rights, our sense of self-respect and the way the world sees us. This week the collective wit and wisdom of the media digs for the truth and reveals that an ornamental bird attacking a car is actually a case of gay rape. Yes, more gay birds.

So what the fowl is going on with birds? Gay penguins, gay flamingos, gay swans and now rough trade peacocks? It would seem that the avian world is more gay than an August night at the Meat Rack on Fire Island. It's an evangelical nightmare. Sodomites found in nature. Homosexual birds flocking from the Central Park Zoo to aristocratic manor houses in the south of England.

In fact, a British aristocrat has been forced to warn visitors to his manor home not to park cars painted a particular shade of blue on his property, after his "gay" peacock caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to a luxury car it mistook for another peacock.

The horny bird attempted to rape an employee's "peacock blue" Lexus parked on the grounds of Sir Benjamin Slade's country manor, Maunsel House, in Somerset in England's south, report English newspapers.

The car was left with thousands of dollars in scratches and dents as a result of the frisky bird's amorous attack, and Sir Benjamin has now erected signs in his car park warning drivers of blue cars of the danger presented by his bird.

"It started when he fell in love with this Lexus, which was in a very distinct peacock blue and looked like another peacock boy," he said.

"He couldn't control his urges and tried to shag it. He attacked the panels so hard that the car needs a total respray.

"The insurers, Lloyd's of London, are not very happy about it.

"They've had claims for all sorts of things like lions biting people, but never have they heard of a peacock sexually attacking a car before."

Sir Benjamin has also decided the peacock, whom he named Ron Davies after a former bisexual Welsh Secretary, is gay. "Peahens are brown, but Ron Davies is only attracted to blue cars so I can only assume he's gay," the aristocrat, who has made headlines before by offering to give his manor away and hire his dog Jasper as a "best man" at same-sex weddings, said.