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What My Students Teach

Posted Oct 19th 2007 3:15PM by Susan Norfleet
Filed under: Coming Out, Gay Pride, Lesbian

My high school English teacher was a poet. My favorite line from one of her poems is, "I am not so old that what my students teach, I cannot learn". I always read that line from a student's perspective. Until last night, that is. All joking about old coots aside, there has been nothing in my life to age me. Not in a real sense. I have no children. My life has always been free. No alarm clocks, no nine to five. No looming retirement. I've moved so much I don't even have any old friends. Well, I have old friends, but like my old furniture, they were already old when I met them.

Last night, I had the honor of performing at an awards dinner for a local New York chapter of GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network. There were a dozen or so high school kids there, along with teachers, GLSEN board members and allies. Four awards were given out to community allies.

One of the award recipients said something that stuck with me. She said, "I'm honored to receive this award, but saddened that an award needs to be given to anyone for being an ally of LGBT youth." She was right of course, but I couldn't see it that way. I am indeed old enough to remember when there were no gay/straight alliances, no GLSEN's, no discussions, no community centers, no support. I wanted to give everyone in the room an award just for being there.

When I was in high school, gay was not an option. I didn't really even know any gay people until I was living in New York and went to my first gay bar. We weren't really a community, we were just a bunch of individual gay people who managed to find each other. Sometimes we were just lesbians or just gay men, and more often than not, the two groups did not intermingle. Much of the time we were separated and some of the time, we were separatists. We didn't know better. There were girl bars and boy bars, but I don't remember any T's or Q's or B's. With the exception of my own biological sisters, I don't recall having any straight allies.

I sat next to a young woman in her twenties last night. I asked her to explain her definition of "queer" to me. She said, "Queer just means different. Some queers are gay, some are gender fluid, some aren't sure exactly what they are, but they're not straight. Queer is just different, you know, whatever. We just want whatever to be OK."

I looked around the room and I saw some gay, some straight, some old, some young, some feminine, some masculine, some gender fluid and some taking gender and bending it like a pretzel. We were all together in one room.

At my table was a woman who looked to me to be in her late fifties or early sixties. I assumed she was straight. She seemed straight. She looked straight. I even worried a bit when I told a mildly racy gay joke at the table, wondering if I had made her uncomfortable.

My girlfriend who had been seated next to that woman, corrected me this morning. It seems that my new straight friend had been married for a long time, divorced her husband and was now in a relationship with her former neighbor, another woman who had also divorced her husband. They did not leave their husbands to be together. That happened later. It just happened. So, I was wrong. Whatever.

For me, last night was an awakening. For the first time I understood what the queer community was. There were sixty of us in that room. Some straight, some gay, some whatever. We were all a little bit queer and it was delightful.

Forgive this old gay coot for not understanding. I'm a bit set in my ways but I am trying. "I am not so old that what my students teach, I cannot learn". That was the last line in a poem my English teacher wrote for me thirty years ago. I now understand fully what it means.

On a personal note, I have grown to love you wonderful Queersighted readers. That's not easy for an old gay coot to say. You have made me laugh (and think) with your comments. God knows, a good laugh is hard to find. I look forward to getting to know you all better. Now, off with you, dagnabit!
(The Fairy Lady) Susan Norfleet

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(Page 1)

1. QUEER: (from wikipedia)
The word queer has traditionally meant "strange" or "unusual," but its use in reference to LGBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex, asexual, etc.) communities as well as those perceived to be members of those communities has replaced the traditional definition and application. Its usage is considered controversial and underwent substantial changes over the course of the 20th century with some LGBT re-claiming the term as a means of self-empowerment. The term is still considered by some to be offensive and derisive, and by others as a re-appropriated term used to describe a sexual orientation and/or gender identity or gender expression that does not conform to heteronormative society.

Way to go, Wiki...
WE'RE HERE, WE'RE QUEER, GET USED TO IT!!
and eye wuv oo, susan...

Posted at 3:24PM on Oct 19th 2007 by Joe Lagana

2. Dear Susan...this sounds like a farewell message to your readers...can we find you at fairylady.com spreading your fabulous brand of writing and humor?

Posted at 8:18PM on Oct 19th 2007 by alison

3. A wonderful tale about learning. Thx Susan. -- KH

Posted at 8:32PM on Oct 19th 2007 by Kenneth Hill

4. Thank you Kenneth Hill (wherever you are). Did I mention that I like you a lot? What was it Carol Burnette said? "I'm so glad we had this time together,just to have a laugh or sing a song. Seems we just get started and before you know it ... comes the time ..."? I can't remember the rest.

Posted at 8:41PM on Oct 19th 2007 by Susan

5. No, no, Alison. But you can always find me at www.susannorfleet.com - anytime!

Posted at 8:41PM on Oct 19th 2007 by Susan

6. Dear Susan
Thanks for the fantastic tale that makes me smile late at night =]

ps Thanks also for your site and humorm both which makes me laugh each day. makes the days in highschool barable....

Posted at 1:52AM on Oct 20th 2007 by Kara

7. Wow, I'm glad that the wikipedia entry actually touched a lot about what I said the other night... We're taking 'queer' back!

Thank you, Susan, for sharing this experience with us and being such a great tablemate. :]

Thanks to you, now I know where to go if I need a good chiropractor... ;)

--Alisha

Posted at 8:56PM on Oct 20th 2007 by Alisha

8. I LOVE IT! You took the words right out of my "old gay coot" mouth! And btw, I'm one of those "looks straight...I think" women who was married and divorced and THEN figured out why I liked girls so much. I'm actually plunking around on a book about the topic...we'll see how it goes. :-D

I am a teacher, too, and I have learned far more from my students than any teachers' college could teach in 5 years of education classes! What I have learned at my school is that students are much more comfortable about being openly gay than I am. I don't share my being gay in general conversation, simply because there are a couple weird attitudes - OLD weird attitudes, at that - that "gay = child molester." Anyone who asks, I'm open enough to tell.

The dynamics of this diverse atmosphere makes for an interesting walk through our cafeteria. Teachers who do the "lunch duty" keep themselves apart from the students. I, however, walk thru the tables, talking to them and I am frequently called to tables to talk to others. To some educators, it's an "us or them" kind of environment. The same as it is in the real world - straights (us) and gays (them).

The point of all this is to say, no matter how hard we try to become accepted, we will fare better if we don't ram it down the unwilling throats of the conservatives who still believe that being gay is a mental illness or a perverted split from what they view as "normal." Be who we are, no apologies. But don't expect miracles in our lifetime, or in some of those midwestern, sparsely-populated rural school communities.

Posted at 11:36AM on Oct 21st 2007 by Gail B

9. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What's beautiful to me about the coot is that the coot is a pest to the duck hunter, not the coot hunter. Now, shut yer pie hole and be glad you're still alive to complain. Dagnabbit.

Posted at 3:13PM on Oct 22nd 2007 by Susan

10. Thanks for being one of those students!

Posted at 4:13PM on Oct 22nd 2007 by Susan

11. Hi! I was at the awards too, I'm one of those students. Thanks for writing such a great blog!

Posted at 4:18PM on Oct 22nd 2007 by Mollie

12. A wonderful post. I like it so much.If you are interested, also come to my site to write something.

Posted at 2:51AM on Oct 23rd 2007 by judy

13. Old coot?
So what does that make the rest of us born before you?
I hate to think...time for a Lifestyle Lift.

The coot is an unloved and unlovely aquatic bird that shares habitat and migration patterns with ducks. Among duck hunters, the coot is considered a pest and a distraction. It is also a truly ugly and awkward bird, and virtually inedible to most people. So to call someone an "old coot" is to label them as a pest, unattractive, sort of an unwelcome hanger-on. Also, the coot is reluctant to fly, and when it does, it makes a great commotion in its attempt to get airborne, running across the water and flapping frantically. "Old coot" may also, therefore, suggest an old man who is slow to rise and reluctant to move.

Posted at 7:27PM on Oct 23rd 2007 by Hilary

14. Not to sound cheesy but I think older queer people are just magnificent! I mean, they were the pillars to the movement so they bring to the community wisdom and perseverance. And their ideological flexibility further distinguishes them from their straight counterparts.

So, Ms. Fairy Lady, you are NOT an 'old gay coot' in my book.

Posted at 3:43PM on Nov 2nd 2007 by Michele

15. I left my husband with two children and live with my lesbian partner who I met her on http://lesbianconnect.com,it is unbelievable I found her there^_^

Posted at 8:34AM on Dec 3rd 2007 by Lisa

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