This week's matrimony-themed installment of RuPaul's Drag Race was like that movie 27 Dresses but without Katherine Heigl, which is a wonderful thing! I'm not sure when or why I turned on Katherine Heigl, but I have, and it's too late to turn back now, so screw her.

So this week, it was all about weddings, with a package-wrapping contest, a wedding photo shoot, and bridal dress showdown-throwdown. Here's what I gleaned:

Mad scrambles make me mad: You know how on some reality challenges, they have all the materials laid out in front of the contestants and then the host says, "Go!" and it's a free-for-all to get the best stuff? I never enjoy these scenes -- even when people fall over, which is usually money in the bank. I get uncomfortable because I know if I were one of the contestants, I'd be timid and wishy-washy and non-confrontational and end up with no stuff. I'd have to make a three-piece suit out of two gum wrappers and the lid off a Sharpee and it would suck. The queens had to scramble for wrapping paper and such this week for the box-decorating contest, which Raven won by putting a dead bird on her box and catching Ru in a dead bird mood, which probably isn't that hard to do.

The best cut is the cheapest: While the girls were crafting their wedding dresses, Tyra took to singing aloud to her iPod in a very, loud, look-at-me-I'm-eccentric, annoying manner. The good news is whatever song she was singing along to was indecipherable, which meant the producers didn't have to worry about music rights. Tyra's warbling sounded just like one of those dying dolphins from The Cove, and dead dolphins can't sue.

Some "experts" actually have expertise: This week Ru brought in a professional makeup artist named Mathu Andersen to give the contestants tips. The gals' faces when Mathu said things to them like, "Sometimes your face worries me," and "It's all over the place," were rather priceless. But guess what? The dude knows his stuff. Pandora and Jessica took his advice and never looked more easy, breezy, or beautiful. Pandora, who's been pegged as "the wacky one," looked downright ravishing. Sometimes it pays to listen to the makeup expert even if his name has a pretentious spelling.

Shift happens: You know that board game Cranium, that's part Pictionary, part Trivial Pursuit, part Play-Doh, and part Russian Roulette or whatever? RuPaul's Drag Race reminds me of that because it's got everything in one box. One second, the queens are camping it up and calling each other bitch, and the next, someone's tearfully opening up about their fucked-up family history or taking a stand on gay marriage. It's whiplashly awesome.

Then there's the challenges, which are also all over the map. These queens have be good at everything; designing and sewing clothes, doing improv comedy, dancing, stripping, wrapping presents, cooter slams, makeup, hair, taxedermy, lip-synching for their lives, and next week it looks like they have to sing live! What's next, performing a tracheotomy while wearing Lucite heels with fish in them, and if the fish or the patient dies, you're out? They cram a lot of show into this show, is my point.

Ru wears wigs and hats: Sometimes it seems that producer Ru and host Ru are at odds. For example, during this week's final judging, when Ru invited the girls to talk shit about each other and they did, Ru shut it down with, "We're going to have to move beyond this." I thought, Why? Why move beyond this? This is the shit two-part episodes or made of. Maybe judge Martha Wash had a hard out. Whatever the reason, I'm sure Ru the producer kind of wanted to say, "Scratch what I just said about moving beyond this. Let's load a fresh tape, and keep on saying horrible things to each other."

Tricks aren't just for kids: Back in the late '80s, I used to work as a dancer, like on cruise ships and stuff. I know. It was as glamorous as you would imagine. Well, any time I went to a dance audition in those days, and there were gymnasts there doing tumbling passes, I knew I was fucked. Folks like to see other folks flip and shit. They just do.

This seems to hold true on the Ru runway, as well. In the final lip sync showdown, it came down to Sahara and Morgan. Sahara, a trained dancer who wore a tutu and pointe shoes, did more tricks and got to stay while Morgan was told to sashay away. Because nothing says "I want this" more than doing a jeté leap off the stage right into the splits.