Now you know how I want to die. That will be the headline on the front page of The New York Post, on October 23, 2048, the morning after my 100th birthday celebratory orgy. Expect that the story will report that I was found with a diversity of men by age, ethnicity and fetish. My preference would be death by drowning on dry land (take a moment to think that through,) but simple suffocation under the weight of it all is an acceptable alternative. This may seem ghoulish to many of you. Get over it. Death is inevitable and death by orgy is certainly preferable to most of the alternatives.

I used to think it was an unrealistic goal, but according to new research published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine, elderly and even extremely elderly Americans are much more sexually active than anyone imagined.

Among those 75-85, 38% of men and 17% of women reported sexual activity in the past year,

A urologist from Maimonides Medical Center in Brooklyn, N.Y., says men remain "sexually interested and active" into their 80s and 90s.

Estimates suggest more than 40 million men worldwide have been able to continue sexual activity into their later years because of medications such as Viagra, Levitra or Cialis.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine publication, more than a quarter of those up to age 85 reported having sex the previous year. Deb Choma, a nurse administrator for 17 years at an assisted-living center in Salisbury, Vt. told USA Today that seven years ago she found herself grappling with the realities of senior sex. First, there was the granddaughter who found her grandmother in a compromising pose with a gentleman resident. Then a 1 a.m. phone call alerted her to staff members finding that a female visitor had stayed over in an older male resident's room. They were discovered in the buff.

An important thing happened in the gay world today: The New York Times told the shocking story of what happens when homophobia collides with gay men and lesbian as they grow old and begin to navigate health care systems for the elderly. It's not a pretty story, and it's one that has barely been told.

What is particularly heartening is that the Times chose to put this story and a photo on the front page of the print edition. The article is also the second most-emailed story on their Web site today.

NYT reporter Jane Gross uncovers the hardships that many of the estimated 2.4 million GLB folks over 55 face, from discrimination in health care facilities by both staff and non-gay residents, to real-life health consequences like depression and suicide that can result when there are no gay safety nets in place to help an older population that is often unable to defend itself against anti-gay people and institutions.

The article does explore some successes where programs and facilities have made room for, or been created especially for, gay seniors. These are still the exception, however.

There are useful links and resources on the Times' site for this story, but the most moving thing is a slide show narrated by Fred Riley and Emile Dufour, a gay couple who have been "together for two decades and married in 2004. But their default position, should they need nursing care," the article says, "will be to hide their gayness, as they did for half a lifetime, rather than face slurs and whispers."

"As strong as I am today," Mr. Riley said, "when I'm at the gate of the nursing home, the closet door is going to slam shut behind me."

Read the entire NYT article here, and click the image below to see and hear Fred and Emile's story.

Here's a shocker for my regular readers: I rarely have trouble expressing my thoughts. But this has not been the case with Paper Dolls. It's actually taken me a good week to organize my thoughts and emotions about this gentle but groundbreaking film.

A little over a week ago I watched the DVD of this 2006 Israeli documentary and have been struggling ever since to find a way to both praise and recommend it on QueerSighted. It is no easy task to explain a film that makes absolutely no sense and at the same time delivers one of the most extraordinarily moving and transcendent portrayals of the best and the most beautiful of the human condition.

Cactus flowers came to mind: vividly stunning blossoms exploding in a barren, prickly and extremely unwelcoming environment. Sometimes something is so extremely incongruous and in defiance of convention and logic that it results in a symmetry and beauty that has an almost sacred nature. The sudden springtime explosion of vividly colored cactus flowers across the colorless and parched landscape of a New Mexico desert is an example. Filipino transsexual drag performers caring for extremely elderly Orthodox Israeli Jews is another example.

As some of you noted about yesterday's post, the "twink" featured in Bear Eye For The Twink Guy, was, shall we say, a little long in the tooth. Which got me to thinking - Exactly what qualifies one as a twink?

Wikipedia defines twink as follows - an attractive young or young-looking gay male (usually 18-22) with a slender build, a slight muscular physique, and little or no body hair [More here].

When I graduated high school, my waist was 29 inches, I had little or no body hair, and a slight muscular physique, all of which qualifed me for twinkdom. Only I was, well, too ethnic.

I was probably close to

Brian Fortuna

in size, but, while he'd qualify as a twink, me, at nineteen, not so much. I'd have been what... urban?

Of course, official twink status is not just a matter if ethnicity. Take Brady Quinn, he's young, not particularly hairy, he's the right ethnicity, but he's packing more muscle than twinkdom allows.

He's a jock. And though, some twinks can be young jocks, not all young jocks can be twinks.

Pack on too much muscle and you're a muscle stud. If you're simply packing too many pounds you're a cub. I'm not sure the body hair requirements on that cub thing, though, somebody shoot me an email on that, will ya?

Apolo Anton Ono might be a twink if he were a tad younger? Ian Ziering, even when he was on Beverly Hills 90210 was not a twink. What was he 30 when he was on that show?

And...

Maksim Chmerkovskiy

may have been a twink at one point, I'd have to see some photos or film footage to make that determination, clearly however, he's not a twink now, which begs the question, what do twinks become when they're no longer twinks?

More on Brady Quinn...
Ajax TV [Queer Sighted]

what if you found out your grandma had a "lesbian love affair" when she was your age or younger? that'd be pretty awesome, i think. just as long as you don't imagine any of it...



...alright, alright. so i'm sorry i mentioned your grandma right before an old lady started talking about masturbation in front of a fire. but hey...we're all grown-ups here, right? well at least some of you guys are. i'm still working on it.

the point is, that commercial is awesome. and a little disturbing. and a little gross in hindsight. but then it goes right back to being awesome. full circle. you know, like how your grandma used to do her ballet friend Doris in the park. *circles*

aw, that was mean of me. i'm sorry. i keep doing that. here, let me make it up to you. now, sit back in your chair and imagine my other wife Rachel Shelley giving you a right *may-saj* as she whispers sweet nothings into your ear. she then starts to kiss your neck softly and she lets out a light whimper. her hands move towards your chest...as she starts to...

--oh wait, you guys are totally interrupted when Cybill Shepard walks in with her top off lookin' for her massage oil.

hee...

They say, when you find a look that works, you should stick with it? Elizabeth II, or as I like to call her the grandmother of that smoking hot red-headed party boy, Prince Harry, found a look, and she's stuck with it.

I'm not sure that advice works for everyone. For the Queen, yeah, it's worked. It's worked well. Check it out -

She's got a classic look. The same goes for Superman, the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Catholic school girls, and the pope.

They're perfection.
They shouldn't change.

But should you?
Let me ask...

At what age does the Abercrombie & Fitch look stop working on a man? 28? 30? 35? Can you be president of the PTA and still buy your clothes at Guess? Is it permissible to be a college graduate and continue shopping at Hollister?

What's the upper age limit on men wearing muscle tees? How old is too old to wear low rise jeans? When must a woman trade in heels for sensible flats?

And if you do age out of Abercrombie, what then?

Armani?
Hugo Boss?
Polo Ralph Lauren?
Zegna?

J C Penny?

What look are you workin'? And is it time for an update?

Over the past couple of weeks I've received several comments and many more emails in response to my series on aging from young men who have found romance with gay elders. While I would never disparage such relationships (or any relationship based on love and affection between any two people) the comments somewhat point to a concerning issue within the gay community. Do we value ourselves and each other beyond our sexual identities? Do we mostly measure the worth or worthlessness of a gay elder based on his or her ability to perform sexually and to be in some way somehow still sexually attractive?

Frankly, I was a bit taken aback by many of these comments and emails. I was not and am not writing this series to advocate May-December romance and I'm certainly not writing this series to encourage the young to find it in their hearts to seduce the old. This isn't about dating, this is about caring.

Ageism and the desperate plight of many low income or soon-to-be low income gay elders is not about their value as good dating or bedding material. In fact, it's partly the dominant gay focus on sexual desirability that has caused our community to turn its collective back on men and women who deserve our respect, honor and care.

A Florida cosmetics company has decided to test the outer limits of male stupidity and has introduced yet another overpriced skin care product. However, this one will be marketed on the assumption that you are even stupider than a complete idiot. The offering is pretty straightforward: if you rub a pleasant smelling lubricant on your penis two or more times a day it will feel really good. No, I'm not kidding. Somebody really thinks you will pay extra for that revelation and for instructions on how to do it. This product is custom made for those of you who need product warnings like "placing a plastic bag over your head may cause suffocation" and "Drinking Drano will make you sick".

I suppose the company, Mensmax is performing a public service. Like me, you probably neglect your penis oblivious to its many enemies. Oh yes, clueless male, your penis is constantly under assault. The skin care experts at Mensmax have in fact identified five critical and relentless enemies that prevent your penis from remaining young, vibrant and lovely. They are friction, heat, chemicals, the exhausting and taxing process of enlargement and retraction and, of course, the ultimate enemy of all skin: aging.

The April 7 press release introducing skin care for the penis, "RestoreMax", notes that "Millions of American men spend billions of dollars on skin care for every other part of their body except their penis. Skin care should not stop at the penis. This skin needs special attention, and MensMax developed Restore Max specifically for the special needs of the skin on the penis.

Another gay epidemic? Another gay health crisis? Haven't we suffered enough through the first one? Indeed. And the second "AIDS" epidemic of the early years of the 21st Century will make the first AIDS epidemic of the 1980s look like a bad case of the common cold.

No one could have seen the first epidemic coming. However, the second epidemic's coming is as easy to see as a stampede of rogue elephants. Both epidemics have much in common: A complex syndrome of diverse diseases and symptoms, multiple drug interactions that sometimes ravage the body more than the disease itself, pervasive destitution and homelessness, relentless wasting, weakening immune systems and the marginalization and invisibility of the patient. Both epidemics are associated with an almost certain death sentence and both epidemics demand research and support systems that provide quality of life and quality of care as we learn to live with a long-term chronic condition.

The profound difference between the two epidemics is the size and mortality rate of the patient population. As a result of the first wave, during the 1980s approximately 80,000 gay men died of AIDS. As a result of this second wave, an estimated 180,000 will most certainly die over the next ten years. Overall, the first 25 years the American AIDS epidemic swept away the hopes, dreams and futures of about 260,000 gay men; over the next 25 years, the second epidemic will sweep away the lives of close to 4.5 million gay men and women. These are astonishing and breath taking statistics.

Last week I posted the first in what is to be a series of serious examinations of the plight of gay elders in America.

Among the emails I received in response to the first post, a reader asked "how can I tell if I'm an elder?" A damned good question, don't you think? After all, between nips and tucks, botox, enough moisturizers to back up the entire sewer system of California, free-flowing cocktails and the occasional hit of this or that, it's difficult enough for a gay man to remember which side is up. And after a lifetime of 29th birthdays, how can he be expected to know the day has finally arrived to apply for Social Security benefits?

Aging is anathema to gay men. We mostly convince ourselves that it simply doesn't exist.. In fact, I've often wondered if HIV infection rates are increasing simply because young gay men confuse it with some kind of bizarre anti-aging regimen.

Edith, a Mexican-American woman, came out in 1946 Los Angeles at the age of 14. When her mother denied the young teen the clothes she wanted, Edith took a job cleaning other poeple's homes so that she could buy herself slacks and shirts and dress herself in a way that said "this is who I am." At that time there was an "anti-masquerading law" in Los Angeles and Edith became its poster child. At least once a week she would be arrested by the police in school, taken to jail, stripped, forced into a dress and then sent home. Her hard-earned slacks and shirt were destroyed and discarded by the police. Edith explains that this ritual went on for several years. After each arrest she would clean other people's toilets until she had earned enough money to buy a new outfit. Knowing she would be arrested in school, why did she keep "wasting" her money on slacks and shirts knowing they would be confiscated and she would undergo the humiliation of arrest in front of the other students? "Nobody was going to f***ing tell me who I am and who I should be," protests an angry Edith at the age of 75. However, today, weak and infirm and unable to stand up for herself, Edith lives in the closet, fearing for her own safety at the hands of devoutly religious health care aides and nurses provided by Catholic charities. Edith is finally wearing dresses.