Marriage discrimination inspired one of the most mainstream public figures in the country to come forward for equality this week: Jeanne Phillips, aka 'Dear Abby.'

Phillips, who offers advice through her widely syndicated column, said, "I believe if two people want to commit to each other, God bless 'em. That is the highest form of commitment, for heaven's sake."

Abby (as she prefers to be called), the daughter of the original 'Dear Abby,' made the comments to a reporter in relation to a "Straight for Equality" award she's to receive from GLAAD. Abby says she isn't planning to devote a column to her statement about gay marriage -- which is too bad. She has a strong record for addressing gay issues in a positive way in the advice she doles out to everyday Americans who read her, however, making her a powerful and respected voice in raising awareness of gay issues to the mainstream.

In the AP article about this which ran on AOL (and which has more on the story here), a poll shows some interesting but not too surprising reactions to Abby's gay-friendly stance: Readers were split fairly evenly on her comments, with a slight majority in favor of her position that gays should be allowed to marry.

Coming out isn't a one-time event. Once you come out to one person, you've begun a lifelong journey of little coming outs (think hotel desk clerks) and and big coming outs ("Exactly why do I like guys? Because, Mom, penises are cool."). Since coming out is something that happens all year round, and more often for each of us that one might think, it's only fitting that there's a special annual event like National Coming Out Day. It's a time to honor what it means to come out, and help those who need a push, a hand, or an inspired bit of encouragement to come out, too.

In honor of our little gay holiday, I have a couple of stories to share, and then four videos chosen just for the occasion that you might enjoy.

One of my more amusing small coming outs happened in an airplane. I was working for the national gay rights organization, NGLTF, and was on a flight from Washington to San Francisco. Seated next to me was an older woman I hoped very much wouldn't talk to me. Not that there seemed anything wrong with her, but I don't usually like talking to people on airplanes. But silence would elude me on the flight because, yep, she was a chatter. After 20 minutes or so of small talk, she said, "And what is it you do?" I cocked my head her direction and said, "Me? Oh, I'm a professional homosexual," hoping that might end our discussion. She paused, and then trumped my self-titled profession by replying, "How does that pay?" Of course I loved her for her response and we became fast friends for the rest of the flight.

After almost 2,000 years of religious wars, religious persecution and religion-driven genocide, Europe has at long last made religion subservient to human rights, reason and constitutional law. Modern European nations embrace religious freedom, atheism and everything in between, but mostly they do not allow any of it to inform or impede reason and the fruits of humanism and enlightenment. The rising tide of full equality for gay Europeans, protection from discrimination and persecution, and the increasing legalization of same sex marriage throughout Western Europe is the result. Much of the same can also be said for Canada, although Canada is still somewhat more subject to the American condition than our brethren across the pond.

On a hopeful note, the United States was late to ending slavery and women's suffrage, lagging behind in both to most of our European friends. So from that perspective, one can be hopeful when it comes to gay rights.

Ironically, America was partly founded by men and women fleeing religious persecution (at least that's the popular myth and mostly not true--even with regard to the Puritans) and yet today, unlike Europe, we live in a nation where law and culture is subservient to religious fundamentalism. We are as much like our Islamic enemies as we are like our European allies. Equality, the Constitutional right to pursue life, liberty and happiness and our right to love and form families is denied to us despite our Constitution and simply because of a fundamentalist and profoundly childish view of the Bible.

If heterosexual parents--like Britney and Kevin--were held to the same standard as gay and lesbian parents, imagine the crushing blow to the therapy business nationwide. Imagine if the same scrutiny paid to gay and lesbian couples looking to foster or adopt was paid to straight couples? You'd have an unprecedented epidemic of well-adjusted adults. It would be downright disgusting--a nation plagued by happy, family-oriented, nurturing human beings. What divorce lawyer would want to see that!!??

The news from the University of Amsterdam: Yet another study and more money and research time spent to prove that queer parents turn out children just as well-adjusted as do straight parents. The only difference the study found between lesbian couples and straight couples? Mothers are better at parenting than fathers; and two mothers are more committed parents than a mother and a father. Now there's a shocker. Of course, my mother was Medea...so there are exceptions. It's only through divine intervention that I'm still alive.

A review of parenting studies soon to be published by New York's Yeshiva University concludes that children with two supportive parents fare better than children with only one parent or none, but this same review also found that among children with only one supportive parent, it did not matter whether that parent is a mother or a father. In other words, what matters is that parents be supportive; sexual orientation and gender are mostly irrelevant.

Whoopi Goldberg doesn't like the word "stupid." In fact, she thinks it's worse than saying "f*&^" and "s#!T" and even some horrible racial slurs. She thinks the use of the word "stupid" is an abomination. While I love me some Whoopi, her moral compass must not have picked up on this STUPID-a$$ site called "Is My Baby Gay?" Cause there is no other word to describe it.

It's simple really. You print out a sheet of paper. You have your baby lick the paper (uh, what?) and then you send in the sheet to their highly trained monkeys or fembots or whoever, who then tell you if your baby's gay. Oh and yeah, you also pay them 20 bucks for their trouble.

What in the holy hell??

I swear one day I have to find out how much Myspace makes on the Google ads they run on our homepages (where I first heard about the site). Since I'm listed as "lesbian", I get all sorts of ads about The L Word, lesbian personals, Johnny Depp (smart advertisers) and crayons. I guess that last one's supposed to be some reference to rainbows? Who knows? I like the one that keeps popping up that says:

"Are you Leisha Hailey?
It's Scary Accurate To See What Celebrity You Are. Find Out Now!"

I don't need to click anything. I know for a fact that I'm not Leisha Hailey ,and it's scary to see how much I'm NOT her.

Oh and let me say this too: DO NOT BE STUPID and pay the gay baby website any money. I know it should go without saying, but these here internets are home to some funny people who do funny things. Ya know what I'm sayin? If you wanna lick something, here's a list of things that are better than paper:

- orange slices
- peppermint
- sugar cane
- Jack Daniels out of a stripper's belly button
- raindrops
- strawberries

The list goes on and on folks. If you wanna know if your baby is gay, send him/her to me and I'll tell you right away. I just have the gift. That goes for teenagers and adults too. So if you're wondering about that friend of yours, arrange for us to "accidentally bump into each other" and I'll send you a detailed report of my findings.

...And I won't even charge you $19.95.

Coming out to your parents is every lesbian's (or gay man's) worst nightmare. Can anyone really anticipate exactly how their parents will react? Are there some ways to come out to your parents that are better than others? I believe the answer to this question is "Yes". I would like to offer up these nine clinically* proven steps for coming out to your parents that will help them understand your "new lifestyle" with ease.

*based on personal results



Step 1 - Start Dropping Hints
By dropping really obvious hints to your parents over the course of time, it will help "ease" them into the notion that their daughter is a muff diver. Make comments about women on TV: "Wow, Angelina Jolie looks smokin' hot in that low-cut dress" or "What I wouldn't give to meet Ellen Degeneres, she's pretty much my hero" or "Ann Coulter is totally a repressed dyke in disguise". Dropping hints like these on a regular basis might give your parents an inclination that your refusal to wear dresses is more than just bad fashion sense.

Recently, my girlfriend and I were browsing the walls of Blockbuster, searching for something that was worth the $4 rental that didn't involve a bunch of men on motorcycles or girls getting knocked up. With each new DVD release these days, I have to wonder why in god's name anyone would go see half of these movies. But I digress...

I was checking out the indie films because those seem to promise more depth and true movie-making magic than the standard "blockbuster" sellouts. I happened to stumble upon a movie called "Floored by Love" about a lesbian couple, paralled by a teenage boy coming out of the closet. At only 50 minutes long, I was skeptical about its quality, but I figured at least it had queer content and that was good enough for me. We grabbed our rental and jetted home to snuggle up and watch.

Floored by Love, which is directed by Desiree Lim, hails itself as a "double-comedy" and "family-friendly." This "double comedy" takes place in British Columbia, Canada and is about an Asian-American lesbian couple and an African-American teenage boy, all of whom are dealing with coming out, in very different ways.
Story One features Janet and Cara. Together for

FOX News reports that a Fargo, North Dakota woman has pleaded guilty to having sex in a public place, with a man who allegedly wore a kilt and exposed himself to passing vehicles.

Chandra Schaefer, 20, of Fargo, was accused of having sex with Nathan Blair, 24, of Moorhead, Minn., on a car and then near a pine tree in late July.

Blair has pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure and fornication.

Schaefer was given a year of unsupervised probation and ordered to pay $300 in fines and fees.

Strangely, the mayor of Fargo has stood silent on this issue despite the example set by national hero and crusader for family-sensitive public decency, Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle.

Heterosexuals and their deviant lifestyle, pushed by the Hetersexual Agenda, have rendered the public areas of the otherwise peaceful community of Fargo unsafe and unfit for families and young children. Same sex families in particular are outraged that they can no longer enjoy a simple Sunday drive without fear of having their children exposed to the perversions of Chandra Schaefer and heterosexual women in general.

Someone recently said to me, and I quote, "I wouldn't mind gay people if they would just blend in with the rest of the population."

I took this statement home with me, I pondered it and it reverberated. I decided I had to write a response to this person, and to anyone else with this mentality, as it seems to come up a lot when straight people address their feelings toward gays. So, here it goes.

I will blend in when... I can walk down the street holding hands with my partner without being called a dyke.

I will blend in when... I don't live in fear of being fired from my job for being gay

I will blend in when... I never have to introduce my partner as a "friend" again

I will blend in when... people accept that homosexuality is not a choice

I will blend in when... people stop using religion as a weapon against me

I will blend in when... when gender is about the person and not about their chromosomes

I will blend in when... I can be at my partner's side in the hospital during an emergency

I will blend in when... I can get married in ANY state

I will blend in when... I can adopt from ANY agency

I will blend in when... the words homo- and heterosexual become taboo

I will blend in when... everyone works together to fight against AIDS

I will blend in when... I can serve freely in the military

I will blend in when... I can dress and act how I wish, without judgement

I will blend in when... my family can be seen as any other family

I will blend in when... I send my children to school without fear of ridicule, on their behalf

I will blend in when... I recieve equal rights in the workplace for myself and my partner

I will blend in when... everyone can come together and focus on important issues like war, the environment, health care and global poverty

I will blend in when... my relationship is seen as normal and not immoral

I will blend in when... there's no such thing as a closet

I will blend in when... pride parades become an all-encompassing celebration of diversity

I will blend in when... you truly look at me as your equal

When will you blend in?

Thanks to QueerSighted's Richard for suggesting the video.

A friend of mine and fellow blogger recently came to me because she wanted to "out" herself to the readers of her blog, Queen of the Surf Pirates, which is a surf-oriented blog focused on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. My friend, "Paula the Surf Mom" decided recently that she's been living in her blog's closet for long enough. She asked me for some advice on how to "come out" to her readers (a lot of whom are men) and increase her gay and lesbian following, especially in the OBX. Paula has been happily partnered for 10 years and has two adorable twin daughters. She is the epitome of what many of us strive for in the gay community: happy and healthy with a successful career and beautiful family.

I suggested to Paula that she start doing a review of the beautiful women on HBO's new show John From Cincinnati which she did, and also laced her blog with a few pieces of gay-pride-representing visuals. If you ask me, she did a great job of "coming out" to her readers in a tactful and friendly way. Unfortunately for her, it was not received as well as she would have liked. Some members of a forum that Paula frequents have decided her blog is no longer fit to link there. She said that this would not normally be a problem for her, but she gets a large portion of her blog traffic from the site and as any blogger would agree, it's traffic that she is reluctant to lose.

To make matters worse, they have started complaining to the site owner about her content and one individual has started sending e-mails to some other members that read like this:

My father was a complex man, an alcoholic, a violent and brutal character, openly bisexual, incredibly smart, witty, outrageously funny, hot, incredibly good looking, uninhibited in ways you can't imagine and he lived by an ethical and moral code that would have made Tony Soprano and Caligula proud. If he wasn't your father, he was fascinating and an enormously entertaining man. My high school and college friends adored him; in fact he stole several of my high school girlfriends--because I wouldn't screw them (lack of interest) so he did.

Of course, our relationship was doomed from that day in 1949 when we purchased our first television set. Between Father Knows Best and Leave It To Beaver, we really didn't stand a chance. I wanted a Ward Cleaver not a horny Freddy Krueger. My father and I eventually found a comfortable middle ground but not until he was in his 70s, shortly before his death, and I was in my late 40s. I would by lying to say that I missed him; what I miss are the opportunities that he denied us as I was growing up. Nonetheless I wish him a very Happy Father's Day wherever he may be--and I dedicate the following three videos to him.

People who know me are generally surprised to learn that I still call my father, daddy. It's true. I do. As my friend Paige put it once - "How very JR Ewing of y'all."

I only bring it up now, because Sunday is Father's day, a day set aside to celebrate fathers, dads, pops, step-fathers, the old man, and babies daddy's everywhere.

Now, I realize some of you reading this may actually have two mothers. Mothers who've done an extraordinary job raising you. Mothers who, tucked you in at night, taught you to catch and perhaps even how to rebuild an engine. Sunday is not their day. Checking the calendar, I find that their day was last month. Mother's Day is in May.

I just wanted to clear that up, this is a gender based holiday, and that gender is male. And just for the record, I don't want to see your son on Bring Your Daughter To Work Day, either. He's a boy.

Now, some of you may have two fathers, like this kid -

in which case, Sunday is going to be a little more work for you. Yeah you've got more than one father, that's no excuse to skimp - whatever it is you call your dads.

More...

Right Holiday Wrong Card [Advocate.com]

King & King & Family [Wikipedia.com]

So you met someone really great at Pride and you fell in love, now what? Marriage? Well, no, not in most states? So then what, a domestic partnership? Maybe, if your state has them.

But let me ask, how do you introduce your life companion to the people important [and not] in your life? If you are a married heterosexual couple that's an easy one, it's your husband or your wife. But what if you're gay or lesbian? Who is your special person then?

Did you ever notice there's not really a word for the one you love? Sure, you can say this is my partner, or my domestic partner, my companion, my roommate, what have you, but that doesn't carry the weight of my husband or my wife.

Did you know that legally domestic partners don't have all of the rights of married couples? Some say, that doesn't matter, we're citizens and we all have rights under the law. I'm not lawyer, and I think that statement is true, but, take a look at this -

There's not one socially accepted word for your same sex partner. If there is no word for it, is that not a way of saying that - [s]he which is not named does not, or should not, exist?

In the minds of the vast majority of the population and in the eyes of the law the person you've chosen above all others is, to put it bluntly, simply a good friend. Not even the lucky gay and lesbian married couples in Masschusetts have all the same rights as married heterosexual couples nationally.

That is something this nation should work to change.