After perusing some of the blog comments of late, I feel we have been woefully inattentive to the many irrational religious fanatics and the just plain fanatically stupid, who visit us here at Queersighted. This is supposed to be a place of inclusion and tolerance, and yet no one has formally embraced them into our little queer enclave. We didn't exactly invite you, but since you're here, welcome to the neighborhood!






Of course I'm not going to hand out sex toys, that's just crude. People who like to perch on the moral high ground, don't want anything to do with sex toys! I'm talking about a Queer Welcome Wagon! The original Welcome Wagon was the marketing brainchild of Thomas Briggs, who borrowed the idea from the Conestoga wagons that greeted westward travelers with food and water. Instead of offering food and water, Mr. Briggs offered women an opportunity to welcome new residents to their neighborhoods with gift baskets and coupons donated by local businesses. Occasionally, a local car dealer would even offer a new car emblazoned with a company logo to a lucky new area homeowner.

Unlike those pesky spam penis enlargement emails we've all received over the years, Welcome Wagon always offered a warm and personal touch, a smiling face and a gift basket. I know I would be much more receptive to penis enlargement supplements if they were being offered to me by smiling neighbor ladies bearing gift baskets.

Closing arguments have wrapped, the jury's in and it's time for our second installment of Top Ten Worst Gay Jobs. This time we're tackling the "rough and tumble 4 ya" world of politics. Richard and I had some tough choices to make, but with the professionalism of David Vitter at a whore house, we got in there, did our business, and came away satisfied - that we picked the Top Ten Worst Gay Jobs in Politics.



Sure, we had a few disagreements. For example, while being a member of Larry Craig's family could most certainly be called a job, it's not a job in the true sense of the word. Richard fought hard for "Nancy Pelosi's hair stylist", which I did not find funny because I'm a lesbian with no sense of style for hair or anything else. Plus he ruled out Hilary Clinton's cleavage consultant.

I honestly thought "Barney Frank's Trans-gender Community Outreach Director", was a winner, until I found out that it was Richard's actual job. Anyway, here they are, not necessarily in order of worst-ness.

1. Congressional House Page
2. Diversity Coordinator for Pace-Dobson '08
3. Condi's eHarmony Representative
4. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Minister of the Census
5. Director of Seating at the American Institute of Bisexuality's Policy Dinner
6. Larry Craig's Communications Director
7. Men's Bathroom Attendant at the Republican National Convention
8. Comedy Writer for the Radical Lesbian Separatist Movement
9. Development Coordinator for the Mark Foley Junior Varsity Scholarship Fund
10. Mary Cheney's Manny

Note from Richard: Poor Susan and her hot flashes; they can be so blinding. I am not Barney Frank's Trans-Gender Community Outreach Director. I'm his sibilant coach.

So as we were all heading off for a lovely autumnal weekend, a very confused Terminator ran off to the local 7/ll for a quart of milk, a copy of Variety, some Depends and to veto the California same sex marriage bill. One can't be completely sure that he meant to do that, but Arnie's not terribly clever at multi-tasking.

I would never be so rude as to call the governor of California an "idiot". However, I don't agree with other gay voices who are this morning calling him a hypocrite and a bigot simply because he vetoed the gay marriage bill passed by the California State Legislature.

Clearly The Terminator is confused--which is very different from being an "idiot." The Republican party has insisted that the decision on same sex marriage should not rest with activist judges in the courts because the United States Constitution rests law-making power with elected representatives and not via popular vote and it was a popular vote five years ago in California that determined that the constitution was wrong and that civil rights and equality did not apply to gay Americans but under the constitution law-making power and determinations on civil rights rests with the legislatures which actually then passed a law approving same sex marriage but it is, as the Constitution says, up to the courts to determine the constitutionality of laws so The Terminator vetoed the same sex law constitutionally passed by the state legislature because he wants the determination to be made by the courts even though his party says the courts shouldn't be making such decisions rather such decisions should be made by lawmakers as outlined in the constitution.

Are you confused? Well, imagine how a brain ravaged by decades of steroids and fantasy role-playing both on the silver screen and with that insatiable Kennedy girl, gets all bewitched, bothered and bewildered in attempts to understand same sex marriage and the constitution.

Arnie is not an idiot, but how can he be anything other than terribly confused? However, his party, the Republicans--you've heard of them, I suspect? They're appearing every other Thursday in the men's room at Chippendales on the Vegas Strip--are counting on the notion that we're all idiots. And for the most part they seem to be right. The majority of Americans are idiots. What other explanation can there be for the widespread acceptance of the convoluted perverse logic that the GOP keeps using to block equality for all Americans?

Now you know how I want to die. That will be the headline on the front page of The New York Post, on October 23, 2048, the morning after my 100th birthday celebratory orgy. Expect that the story will report that I was found with a diversity of men by age, ethnicity and fetish. My preference would be death by drowning on dry land (take a moment to think that through,) but simple suffocation under the weight of it all is an acceptable alternative. This may seem ghoulish to many of you. Get over it. Death is inevitable and death by orgy is certainly preferable to most of the alternatives.

I used to think it was an unrealistic goal, but according to new research published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine, elderly and even extremely elderly Americans are much more sexually active than anyone imagined.

Among those 75-85, 38% of men and 17% of women reported sexual activity in the past year,

A urologist from Maimonides Medical Center in Brooklyn, N.Y., says men remain "sexually interested and active" into their 80s and 90s.

Estimates suggest more than 40 million men worldwide have been able to continue sexual activity into their later years because of medications such as Viagra, Levitra or Cialis.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine publication, more than a quarter of those up to age 85 reported having sex the previous year. Deb Choma, a nurse administrator for 17 years at an assisted-living center in Salisbury, Vt. told USA Today that seven years ago she found herself grappling with the realities of senior sex. First, there was the granddaughter who found her grandmother in a compromising pose with a gentleman resident. Then a 1 a.m. phone call alerted her to staff members finding that a female visitor had stayed over in an older male resident's room. They were discovered in the buff.

Today's the day. Come out, come out, where ever you are!

In fact, thank you all very much for coming out today!

And no matter how out you think you are, it's therapeutic and a small but positive moment of activism to just walk up to a straight person and simply declare, "Happy Coming Out Day! I'm gay! How about you?"

"They" always assume that we're straight, so for a day let all of us live with the assumption that they're all gay. Larry Craig for example, as straight as a laser beam and yet, according to recent reports, thought to be gay by half the members of Congress.

So assume "they" are gay. And when they respond with "No, no, I'm straight, totally straight!" or even "I'm not gay, I've never been gay." you respond with "You're kidding!!?? I'd always assumed you were gay by the way you act. Wow, am I ever surprised. You are so totally gay-acting. I guess you just never know."

Take me for example. I'm often accused of being straight-acting. Go figure. I try my best to be gay-acting but I often fail and have to out myself in some dramatic way.

Comedy is surely a subjective thing. I never found America's Funniest Home Videos funny in the least, and yet it was one of the most popular shows on television for years. It had the word "funny" right in the title, but to me, it was just a series of unfortunate accidents caught on tape and set to wacky music. Subjective.

For years I did stand-up and never mentioned the fact that I was gay. My generic, gender neutral material was funny enough to get me work, but after about 12 years of doing jokes about my grandmother, lunging tweezers and stupid Southern people I couldn't stand stand up anymore. I quit.

The most fun I ever had as a stand-up was when I was working for RSVP cruise lines. My idea of heaven is being on a cruise ship stage with an audience full of happy, tanned, gay men. RSVP knew I was gay and their audience knew I was gay, but they didn't hire a gay comic. They hired a comic who happened to be lesbian. I was not so lucky with the Dinah Shore entertainment organizers. They politely told me I wasn't "lesbian enough". So I'm a lesbian who isn't lesbian enough working on a cruise ship full of gay men doing straight stand up. I am a queer queer. Sorry, a QQ.



I quit doing stand-up because I couldn't be myself. I couldn't be gay and funny and get enough work to pay my bills. Remember, I wasn't gay enough for the lesbians. I've actually had lesbians walk out on my show. Why? I do a Powerpoint presentation called "Debunking Gay Myths and Stereotypes", and the first slide that appears is, "Lesbians are humorless". I stand there for a few moments looking confused and then say, "I got nothing" and move to the next slide. Some lesbians are furious over this, but to me, a lesbian comedian, it's hilarious on a number of levels.

Editor's Note: When QueerSighted friend and reader Dave Rogowski told me he was seeing David Sedaris read live and in person last weekend, I asked him for a full report to share here.



David Sedaris' wit is like a fabulous martini, served dry, dirty and with a twist. He brought his hilarious social commentary to George Washington University 's Lisner Auditorium in Washington, D.C. on Saturday. With his unique voice full of quirky character, he navigated the sold-out audience through an undulating sea of emotional ups and downs. He has a unique ability to cause listeners to emit both laughter and tears during a single short story.

You've undoubtedly heard him as a regular guest on NPR or contributor to Chicago Public Radio's famed 'This American Life.' He's the author of many books including 'Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim,' 'Me Talk Pretty One Day' and 'Naked.'

Holding a #2 yellow pencil and sipping water during pauses, Sedaris read new essays, answered some questions and also signed his books for fans. I highly recommend seeing him in person. I've read his books and listened to them over and over on CD, but seeing and hearing Sedaris in person was unrivaled. The written word does not have the impact of his spoken cadence and audience reaction adds another dimension to the experience.

Most of us see nothing funny in our daily routines, but life through Sedaris' eyes focuses on the humor in everyday occurrences. No one is ever safe from his piercing eyes and sharp tongue. From his grandmother's loud gaseous emission during dinner to adults crying on an airplane, Sedaris shies away from nothing.

During the Weekend Update segment of this past week's Saturday Night Live, the increasingly reliable Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler took on disgraced but defiant Senator Larry Craig, who was caught soliciting gay sex in an airport bathroom. In their recurring "Really?!" bit, they state the obvious, but do so with such entertaining disdain, as they mercilessly taunt Craig. "And, really, you oppose gay marriage. What? You think that marriage takes the sizzle out of it?" Meyers teases. "Or are you just afraid that if gay marriage is legalized, there'll be fewer single gay guys trying to have sex in airport bathrooms?" Take a look....

As we launch our series on top ten worst gay jobs, Susan and I realized that many of you may think that this is a work of fiction. No way.

These jobs are real and well-researched, exhaustively so. In fact, considering the weighty importance of this undertaking, we harnessed the collective wisdom and intelligence-gathering power of the Lesbian Wiccans, the International Conspiracy of Jewish Bankers and Communists and The Society of Surreptitious Sibilant Sissies of which Kenny is co-founder and current chair.

As the emails, audio flash drives and scribbled notes on used condom wrappers started to pour in we were easily able to discern the truly heinous and soul-crushing jobs. Without revealing too much about the private lives of the queer and closeted we can share a few bits of data. For example, there was this illegally-obtained audio sound bite from the bugged office of well-known Beverly Hills shrink: "Mr. Cruise, it's your money and if you want to spend the hour jumping up and down on the couch I'll just sit and wait." Then there was the email from a reparative massage therapist hacked from the American Society of Evangelical Ministers server: "Ted is doing extremely well. While he is still drawn to prostitutes, he is now asking for females. During our last session he slipped me $100 and asked for Amber Vial." And this from Larry Craig's stolen medical files: "This is the first time I've diagnosed carpal tunnel syndrome in an ankle."

I try to stay light on weekends and just report on the most important gay story of the week, the story that advances our fight for civil rights, our sense of self-respect and the way the world sees us. This week the collective wit and wisdom of the media digs for the truth and reveals that an ornamental bird attacking a car is actually a case of gay rape. Yes, more gay birds.

So what the fowl is going on with birds? Gay penguins, gay flamingos, gay swans and now rough trade peacocks? It would seem that the avian world is more gay than an August night at the Meat Rack on Fire Island. It's an evangelical nightmare. Sodomites found in nature. Homosexual birds flocking from the Central Park Zoo to aristocratic manor houses in the south of England.

In fact, a British aristocrat has been forced to warn visitors to his manor home not to park cars painted a particular shade of blue on his property, after his "gay" peacock caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to a luxury car it mistook for another peacock.

The horny bird attempted to rape an employee's "peacock blue" Lexus parked on the grounds of Sir Benjamin Slade's country manor, Maunsel House, in Somerset in England's south, report English newspapers.

The car was left with thousands of dollars in scratches and dents as a result of the frisky bird's amorous attack, and Sir Benjamin has now erected signs in his car park warning drivers of blue cars of the danger presented by his bird.

"It started when he fell in love with this Lexus, which was in a very distinct peacock blue and looked like another peacock boy," he said.

"He couldn't control his urges and tried to shag it. He attacked the panels so hard that the car needs a total respray.

"The insurers, Lloyd's of London, are not very happy about it.

"They've had claims for all sorts of things like lions biting people, but never have they heard of a peacock sexually attacking a car before."

Sir Benjamin has also decided the peacock, whom he named Ron Davies after a former bisexual Welsh Secretary, is gay. "Peahens are brown, but Ron Davies is only attracted to blue cars so I can only assume he's gay," the aristocrat, who has made headlines before by offering to give his manor away and hire his dog Jasper as a "best man" at same-sex weddings, said.

I understand that our own Queersighted blogger and octogenarian, Richard Rothstein, will be performing at La Mama soon. Like many of you, I read his post on Stage Fright and I felt a deep and sincere obligation to help him get over his fears. You see, I was a stand-up comedian for many, many, many, many years. I still do stand-up occasionally, when I'm not blogging or "wrestling the menopause".

We all know that Richard is a very funny writer. He wrote this line for example ... "As for Susan, she may remember some of these classics, but at the moment she's busy wrestling the menopause to the ground." See, that is hilarious.

But there is a big difference between funny on paper and funny on stage. I am a perfect example of this. For year and years and years and years, I basked in the white hot light of success as a stand-up, and yet, I have received somewhat, well ... luke-warm reviews from readers here at Queersighted. This one for example ... "while i don't support miss tequila, i think you're an annoying, pretentious, bitter c**t".

Sure, that hurt a little, but when your audience gives you lemons, try to make lemon-aid. That reader didn't really "get" my post on bisexual dating shows, but doggonnit, at least I can feel good about the fact that she "got" me. Richard often helps me with my blogs. He's the one who insisted I do the Bisexual Dating Show post.

That's why I want to return the favor and help him with some performance advice. The first and best bit of advice I can give you is to warm the audience up with what's known in the business as an "icebreaker". You're performing for a room full of drag queens and trannies. so you might want to start with, "Hey there, where ya from?" or "Say you're a good looking crowd!" or "So, how old's your vagina?" Better yet, here's some comedy advice from a seasoned comedy professional who is really good with first timers. Pay attention Richard. I want you to do well at La MaMa.

Margaret Cho -- the talented, dirty, hilarious, shocking, gay-loving comedienne -- has been making audiences laugh for over 20 years.

Did I write laugh? No, I mean something bigger. I mean spit out your food and have your drink come up through your nose laugh. The fact that she loves and embraces the gays – men, women, MTF, FTM and everyone in between – makes me adore her even more.

Her new show, 'The Sensuous Woman,' currently playing off-Broadway's Zipper Theatre, is one of her most original and outrageous stage outings yet.

For this go-round, she's joined by Los Angeles bellydance and burlesque sensation Princess Farhana, emerging transgendered comic Ian Harvie, the burlesque performer Selene Luna, comic actor Liam Sullivan as internet rock-star Kelly, internationally acclaimed dancer and choreographer Ryan Heffington, New York downtown fave Miss Dirty Martini and sketch comedians Diana Yanez & Kurt Hall of the Gay Mafia Comedy Troupe of West Hollywood.

I was seriously excited to talk to Margaret. I found her to be candid, honest and flat-out cool. We talked about comedy, her love for the homos and trannies and the new show.

And for some reason I wanted her to get sorta dirty like only she can. Did she? Find out after the jump.

Last night, Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert turned to expert-gay Dan Savage to unravel the complexities of the hate crimes bill, Larry Craig, tea room sex, mujaha-queens and more. Brilliant.

With ticket prices climbing, and with every theatre on The Great White Way currently or about-to-be occupied, Broadway producers are scrambling and competing for our hard-earned bucks now more than ever. Often times, those producers have to get creative to market and publicize their shows in unique (and sometimes off-beat) ways that often reflect our high-tech, short-term attention span culture.

Some examples:

If you read this post or this one, you already know that the people behind 'Legally Blonde' are taking a huge gamble by airing the musical in its entirety on MTV on October 13th while it's still running on Broadway. (The show is currently doing moderate -- but far from boffo -- business.) If this MTV plan works, look for other shows to follow suit in some way.

'Spring Awakening,' this year's Tony-winning Best Musical about teenage sexual angst, aggressively went after the high school set (and their parents) this past summer with both MySpace and Facebook pages. The show also posted a pretty cool music video of one of its songs, 'The Bitch of Living,' on its website. (You can watch that here.)

Now come February, 'In The Heights,' an award-winning musical that follows friends and families living in New York City's Washington Heights area (think 'Rent' way uptown), is making the dicey and costly move from a 499-seat off-Broadway house to the 1,300-seat Richard Rodgers Theatre on Broadway.

That's a ton more tushies to get in that theatre.