The greatest challenge associated with aging is not morbidity and mortality; it's novelty. More precisely it's the hunger for novelty, a hunger that grows increasingly difficult to satisfy. And when I was asked to review a new Logo film, Coffee Date, which premiered just this past Sunday, I found it very difficult to enjoy and report on the film with an open mind. How many times have I endured this particular story line? Coffee Date poses the prickly question: Can a heterosexual WASPy All-American hunk find love and companionship with a homosexual Latino stud sporting the perfect six-pack? It's the latest and trendy incarnation of the classic buddy movie merged with a social-consciousness raising unlikely romantic couple faced with top-of-mind social and political challenges.

Can rich Roman Catholic Bridget find love with poor Jewish Bernie? Can anal compulsive Felix survive life with Oscar the uber-slob? Can liberal Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy accept their snow white daughter's marriage to intensely African-American Sidney Poitier? Can straight All-American computer programmer Todd and steamy gay Latin lover hair stylist Kelly find love, friendship and sexual compatibility?

Like a lot of New York (and, presumably, non-New York) gays, I make sure to grab a copy of The Sunday New York Times every week. Sure, I like to get my helping of real news, but I admit that I immediately thumb may way to three specific sections: Arts & Leisure, Real Estate and Styles.

Arts & Leisure because it usually has some terrific theatre articles. Real Estate for "The Hunt" column (ahem, in which I was once featured). And The Styles Section for the wedding announcements.

Yes I know, the wedding announcements are way-gay. But since the paper started listing gay and lesbian unions in August 2002, I've been interested in reading about my own brothers' and sisters' love stories. Sure, I admit I also occasionally look for old boyfriends who might have since gotten hitched.

And when I read about the marriage between Jeffery and Matthew (below), I got pretty giddy.

I was incredibly honored when Queersighted editor, Kenneth Hill, sent me a story he was sure only I could handle. The fact that my editor would trust me with an important story after such a short time on staff was truly humbling. I opened the article with great anticipation. Let's see, it's called ... MTV's boundary-breaking sleaze? Wow, that sound's dreadful, but I'm still humbled, and appreciative. Let me read more before I judge.

According to LA Times.com, it's "a serialized bisexual dating show starring Tila Tequila, mistress of MySpace."

I stop reading momentarily to search for an old Xanax prescription. I'm back.

"Tequila will welcome 16 straight men and 16 lesbian women into a mansion, where they'll all live for a scandalous season while vying for her affection. MTV's first serialized dating program represents a big commitment from a network devoted to the short-attention-span crowd, meaning we can expect as much squabbling, back-stabbing and pansexual make-out sessions as 10 episodes can hold."

Oh, I understand now. Richard Rothstein has passed on this and Kenny hates me. Or, Richard passed and I'm the only other writer old enough to remember MTV's humble beginnings. That's why I got this story. I'll never forget the day MTV aired the first ever music video. It was just a guy with a Victrola and some sock puppets.

Recently, my girlfriend and I were browsing the walls of Blockbuster, searching for something that was worth the $4 rental that didn't involve a bunch of men on motorcycles or girls getting knocked up. With each new DVD release these days, I have to wonder why in god's name anyone would go see half of these movies. But I digress...

I was checking out the indie films because those seem to promise more depth and true movie-making magic than the standard "blockbuster" sellouts. I happened to stumble upon a movie called "Floored by Love" about a lesbian couple, paralled by a teenage boy coming out of the closet. At only 50 minutes long, I was skeptical about its quality, but I figured at least it had queer content and that was good enough for me. We grabbed our rental and jetted home to snuggle up and watch.

Floored by Love, which is directed by Desiree Lim, hails itself as a "double-comedy" and "family-friendly." This "double comedy" takes place in British Columbia, Canada and is about an Asian-American lesbian couple and an African-American teenage boy, all of whom are dealing with coming out, in very different ways.
Story One features Janet and Cara. Together for

I've often blogged about the terrible mistake we make to confuse visibility with civil rights. Visibility is a thorny issue with positive aspects as well as the potential for great negatives. Visibility means we're a much more visible target, kept top of mind for those who would see us erased. Historically visibility has done little to aid the cause for equality for any minority group with the exception of visible anger and a more visible threat to society that must be addressed.

But on the positive side, increasing visibility has emboldened millions of gay men and women to stand their ground, come out and fight for their rights. And that in my view, is the key value of visibility: we see that we are not alone, that we can fight and that we can make our anger visible; and while fictional TV characters and pretty parades require no response, visible anger does.

Thanks to visibility increasing numbers of gay Americans are realizing that they need not be shy about demanding their full rights as American citizens. Visibility is teaching us that we can fight and we can win.

Recently but with almost no fanfare, two convicted felons scored a major victory in the fight for the rights of same-sex couples. Against all odds and it's likely that without increased visibility for the gay community, these guys wouldn't have had the courage or confidence to defy federal parole laws and go to battle for their relationship.

Let's face it, ever since the days of Sapphos, lesbians have entered relationships at warp speed. The excerpt below is a passage from a poem written by Sapphos herself while living on the Isle of Lesbos at the time of Ancient Greece:

"but come--if ever before
having heard my voice from far away
you listened, and leaving your father's
golden home you came

in your chariot yoked with swift, lovely
sparrows bringing you over the dark earth
thick-feathered wings swirling down
from the sky through mid-air

arriving quickly--you, Blessed One,
with a smile on your unaging face
asking again what have I suffered
and why am I calling again..."

There's the age old running joke Q:"What does a lesbian bring on the second date?" A: "A U-Haul" and for some reason, all lesbians are guilty of going through this at least once in their dating lives. So what's up with lesbians and their tendency to progress in a relationship at lighting speed? Well, I've come up with a few of my own theories that I would like to explore here.

As I was taking my subway ride home last Thursday night from seeing friends, I did what I always do on the fourth day of the work week: Read The New York Times' 'Thursday Styles' and 'House & Home' Sections. Yeah, I know: Gay.

And there, smack-dab on the front cover of the 'Styles' Section was this article about Mitchell Gold and Bob Williams (photo below), the masterminds behind the wonderful and popular furniture company, Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams. (Full-disclosure: My couch was made by them. And Mitchell and Bob, if you're reading this: I couldn't be happier with my truly sumptuous sofa. Anyhow.)


The article was about how the men share a spacious (and, might I add, impeccably decorated) apartment in Manhattan. And -- here's the kicker -- while they were once a couple, they no longer are. But, they still work together and, get this:

They're still friends!

So that got me thinking: What enables us (or keeps us from) remaining friends with an ex? ...

I love my straight girlfriends. I couldn't live without them. But apparently some gay men have a few complaints about this tried and true bond between gay guy - straight woman.

This little bitchfest comes to you from Craigslist LA. Do you identify with any of it, or did this guy's mom drop him on his head when he was little?

A Memo to Straight Women Seeking A Gay Male Friend

Hi there. I am a gay man living in Los Angeles. Let me just say that I have many women friends. And I applaud the open-minded, progressive attitudes most straight women seem to have nowadays.

However, I have noticed that we've crossed over into a place where some women are just a little too comfortable with homosexuality. "Too much tolerance" you say? I'll explain.

Honestly, I am flattered when a woman says something along the lines of "you're cute. Too bad you're not straight." That's nice to hear. I'm not going into some PC tirade over a compliment. You know what though? I only need to hear it once. My friend's friend says it every time I see her. She does the rubbing my upper back back, hands in my hair shit. And you know what I want to say? "LISTEN. My being gay isn't the only reason it would never happen." Like, back the f**k up. And she's also volunteered to be my beard at events. "Great, we'll time travel to the 1950s when people in LA last did that." [More after the jump...]

Recently a reader wrote to me and said, "When I saw this vid and heard the words....I thought about you.... :) "

I'm not sure if the entire song & video are very accurate when describing me, but the first 30 seconds' lyrics are so true, they should be tattooed on my forehead:

(Calvin Harris "The Girls")

When the dude says "I get all the girls, I get all the girls" is when our similarities quickly end. If it were a song called "I want all the girls, I wish I could get a date, someone date me please...la la la," then he and I would be soul sisters.

I did a poll on my site recently where I asked what everyone's relationship status was. An overwhelming number of you guys said you had been single for at least 6 months, and in some cases, more than 2 years. I'm going on 19 months (but who's counting). We've got to join forces and do something about this!

So, should we put this song on our boom boxes and walk around town blasting the first part on repeat? Should I start a lesbian "Rifleman" appreciation group in this small town (L.A.) I live in? Should I start a lesbian (parenthesis) appreciation group?

Do we stop looking altogether? Is that when true love/lust finds us?

Whether you're single, taken, or all of the above, I want to hear your advice!

Lesbians: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. It's inevitable that when you have two women dating, living together and sharing their pets, you're bound to encounter drama. I have a close friend whose three-year relationship has just gone down the drain. It's always sad to see a relationship come to an end; we've all been down that road before and know how heartbreakingly painful it can be. The one thing I notice with lesbian break-ups is that they are never short and sweet. When lesbians say, "it's over", it's usually done over a 3 - 6 month period dotted with emotional "I love you's" and fanatical "I hate you's". Why is it that gay women have such a hard time ending their relationships? I'm no relationship expert but my guess is that women are too nice to say "I don't love you anymore" but too cruel to have the decency to just walk away.

One thing I've noticed during the demolition of a lesbian relationship (that is not mutually terminated) is that at least one of the women tends to "go a little crazy." Let me elaborate. The mature thing to do would be to accept the fact that you're girlfriend/lover/wife does not share the same feelings as she used to. She wants out and is probably not looking to work on things anymore. She sits you down and "has the talk". As sad and unfortunate as it is, there are a few things that you should NOT do during this period:

I remember when 'Sex and the City' was airing original episodes on HBO Sunday nights at 9 PM, I'd often talk to my guy friends afterwards and we'd compare ourselves to one of the four women, swearing up and down that our lives, personalities and (man-ified) wardrobes mirrored theirs. (And for the record, ahem, I was always Carrie.)

And with the talk of the 'SatC' movie finally ready to go in front of the cameras, my guess is that hoards of gay men will be making their "my life is so much like fill-in-the-blank" proclamations once again.

So that got me thinking ...

While 'Sex' is/was a show that spoke to both women and gay dudes (The men! The sex! The clothes!), I thought, "Wait, that's not the only one! There's 'Designing Women' and 'The Golden Girls,' too!" (And please don't make me go on a Blair-Jo-Natalie-Tootie tirade!)

The truth is, all THREE of these shows made a huge and lasting impression since they premiered in the 1980's and 1990's -- and they have something in common: They all have four women exploring each others' options and problems with a tight-knit group of gal pals, often in a communal area (a kitchen table, a home office, a coffee shop), all the while shooting out smart, funny zingers, mostly about and around S-E-X.

Because, let's face it: Blanche, Carrie (photo above), Charlene, Charlotte, Dorothy, Julia, Mary Jo, Miranda, Rose, Samantha, Sophia and Suzanne are all REALLY gay men in drag with fabulous clothes ('Sex'), big shoulder pads and high hair ('Women') or a wrinkle here and there ('Girls') ... aren't they?

And so, I ask you: Which female friend from 'The Golden Girls,' 'Designing Women' or 'Sex and the City' are YOU?

And yes boys, this question is directed at YOU! C'mon, I KNOW you've played this game over brunch.

And what's that? You don't know? You're not sure? Well, since we still stop in our remote-control tracks when we catch any one of these shows on the tele, I'll give you a show-by-show play-by-play (with some YouTube videos, to boot) to help you out.

Let's get started ... after the jump!

Denis O'Hare is one of my all-time favorite actors. Not only is the out, Tony Award-winner a constant presence on the New York stage, but chances are you've seen him on your local multiplex movie screen or on your living room TV.

He's currently gracing the stage of the Lyceum Theatre on Broadway in the funny, exhilarating and completely satisfying revival of 'Inherit the Wind,' which also stars two little-known actors you also might have heard of: Brian Dennehy and Christopher Plummer. (After the show, I text messaged "Wow!" to a friend to describe my reaction to the play.)

I had a delightful phone chat with the lovely and charming actor before a recent performance where we discussed coming out, on-line sex hook-ups, 'Law & Order,' Angelina Jolie, his current gig, and more.

Read the interview after the jump ...

Sugar.

Oh, Honey, Honey.
You are my candy...

I promise, I don't work for Willy Wonka, and I'm not dating him
either, but my boss' wife, she calls me - Sugar.

And my boyfriend, he calls me - Lollipop.

That may be why I like -

this song so much.

Or maybe, it's just really catchy.

Tell me though, when your boyfriend [or girlfriend] isn't calling you
the name your mama gave you, what does [s]he call you?

Did you realize that it was forty years ago yesterday that The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, and that at the time sixteen of the states had laws on the books prohibiting interracial marriage.

But let's go back a bit further than that, back to June of 1958, that was the year that Virginia residents Mildred Jeter [a negro woman] and Richard Loving [a white man] got married in the District of Columbia. Now, being residents of Virginia, after their wedding they decided to return to Virginia to live happily ever after. Unfortunately, as a wedding gift they were presented with a grand jury indictment charging them with violating Virginia's ban on interracial marriages.

The Lovings were convicted and sentenced to one year in jail, but the judge, being the lenient sort, suspended the sentence for a period of 25 years provided that the couple leave the state and not return to Virginia together for 25 years. In his opinion, the judge stated -

"Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix."

The Lovings motion to vacate the sentences on the ground of the unconstitutionality [and in my opinion the plain stupidity] of these statutes was denied by the trial court. The Virginia Supreme Court of Appeals affirmed the decision.

The case was appealed to the U. S. Supreme court and on June 12, 1967 the U.S. Supreme Court reversed the conviction. The court held that the Virginia statutes violated both the equal protection and the due process clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment.

Let's go back the Virginia judge's opinion - "Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix."

Um... sorry, but I just don't think the Almighty is worried about Anyone's love life.

"I get this bi vibe from you." That's what Dirty Martini Guy says to me, Monday night. I assured him I was gay. And I am, gay. I have been for a long time. Exclusively gay.

This is the same guy who called me Southern Decadence. But, I'm not Southern, either. Well, not really. I'm a generation removed from New Orleans and the hoodoo and the voodoo of the bayous.

"I'd sense it if you were completely gay. You're not. You've been on the other side, and you've liked it."

"You'd sense it?" I ask. "You mean like gaydar?"
My gaydar had never really worked all that well.

"No. I'd just know."

It's pointless arguing a point with a drunk. I let the subject drop. I know though, I wouldn't be good in a relationship with a woman. Sure, I can appreciate a nice rack. But, I know, I'd always need more. It would be me, saying... "You Know I'm No Good."

And Amy Winehouse says it so much better.

My gaydar may not be top notch, but, I know myself well enough to know that if I were to try to make a go of things with a woman, in the long run, I'd never be able to keep my pants zipped.