The Idiot's Guide to Coming Out to Your Parents

10 Things I Learned At a Lesbian 4th of July BBQ

Old Gay Coots Have Something to Say, Dagnabbit!

Don't forget to check out the fabulous gay gallery page!

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Somewhat fatigued with low-budget gay independent films that mostly rely on supernaturally perfect male bodies to lure us in, I threw in my FAT GIRLS screener expecting to fall asleep or fast forward from gratuitous nudity scene to gratuitous nudity scene. I was mightily disappointed and absolutely engaged. This is a gritty, unforgiving look at authentically damaged and far from perfect real queers struggling through adolescence in some godforsaken corner of Evangelical Land. The film, which opens in New York on November 2 at the Quad Cinema and rolls out nationally through November, is billed a comedy--but it's the kind of comedy that relies on the mess that is our lives. If you can't laugh at yourself, you might have trouble laughing at this movie.

Obeying the spoiler rule, I will say that the movie is full of surprising and very funny and often time disturbing plot twists--again, pretty much like real life. And the ending will not surprise you. It will surprise you. It may offend you. It may please you--depending on your hold on reality as opposed to having a firm belief in traditional and absurd Hollywood endings.

But like much of this flic, the ending will stay with you for days as you ponder it's political correctness vs the way things really and oftentimes work in this imperfect place we call our lives.

What I loved about this film is the lack of romantic rubbish and the veneer of glamor. Adolescence is hard and it is exponentially harder for fat girls and chubby gay boys. Finally we have a movie where the gay boys aren't' pretty and the struggle is real. Go and see this movie. It's refreshing and exciting to see a queer movie that doesn't rely on prostitution, tragedy or abs to draw you in. And no happy endings, just the next step in figuring out the plan--whatever it is.

One warning, the movie's R rating is misleading. I can't quite figure out the reason for the R rating other than to conclude that just showing gay reality is enough to offend the homophobic jerks who rate movies. If Fat Girls had been an entirely straight take on the adolescent struggle it likely would have earned a PG-13. So don't go assuming that an R rating means full frontal or even the occasional moon. There is some discussion of penis but no one is kind enough to show any.

You can read much more of my raves and rants on gay cinema by clicking here.

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According to Entertainment Weekly, the big gay movie that changed everything apparently changed nothing.

What a shocker! You remember Brokeback, don't you? Hollywood's first gay romance, written by a heterosexual, directed by a heterosexual, starring heterosexuals...I'm sorry, what was gay about it? Well, now, after two years of waiting for the Hollywood revolution, it turns out that it ain't coming. Kind of like ENDA and the Hate Crime Bill--lot's of talk but no action. Now that's gay! Read more here.

Of course, we can still be grateful to Brokeback Mountain for giving a homophobic America a new and even more fun way to disparage the queer community. Nothing says loser like gay Brokeback.

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Knowledge is power and history is knowledge. Some have compared Obama to Jack Kennedy, but Obama's latest passion for ex-gay gospel singers teaches us otherwise. Ironically, I can't find a reason to be upset about pro-gay Obama going all pro-ex-gay, willing to shake his gospel booty next to a profoundly misguided and psychologically-damaged gay man. The gay blogosphere has been all atwitter with this scandal, Obama creatively waffles, now caught between gays and evangelicals--a moronic dilemma of his own amateurish making. But for me the real concern is his Forty Days of Faith all God all the time magical mystery tour. And when you consider that the only thing that stands between queers and equality is all faith, all the time, it would seem that we're now seeing, as Ms. Lauper would say, Obama's "true colors." The other thing that concerns me is how we defile the legacy of Jack Kennedy. Students of history would understand the true cowardice of Obama and most other candidates as well. You can read the truth here. But start with this video and consider the real meaning of American, constitution-centric leadership. Dry and boring history teaches us that there is another way, a better way and that our current crop of Democrats is sadly lacking.

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Readers,

This will be my final post on QueerSighted, so I want to say farewell. Thanks for reading my rants and raves, thanks for all the insightful comments and for your emails agreeing or disagreeing with the goings on here at QueerSighted.

I'm not yet sure where you can find me next, but meanwhile you can keep up with me on my MySpace page. Until I have a new gig to tell you about, I'll use that to talk about the new-new stuff I want friends (you) to know about -- like these:

Great New Movie
'The Walker': While the overall film by legend Paul Schrader is somewhat weak, watching Woody Harrelson as a gentlemanly gay escort to Washington, D.C. society ladies is worth the price of admission, especially when the company he keeps includes these three actresses: Lauren Bacall, Lily Tomlin and Kristin Scott Thomas. Delish.

Great New Book
'Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You,' by Peter Cameron: This is the best thing I've read all year and is possibly one of most well-written coming-of-age novels ever. It's driven by a sophisticated, urban, 18-year-old postmodern gay New Yorker who hates nearly everyone as he wrestles with being a misfit. Protagonist James is so awkward and such a smart ass that you will fall in love.

Great New CD
'The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter,' Josh Ritter: At the risk of saying "greatest" again, there's no other way to describe the song writing abilities of this man. His new album bears this out, as have all the others that precede it. Also check out NPR's podcast of 'All Songs Considered' on iTunes to listen to the live-concert recording of his recent Washington, D.C. appearance at the 9:30 Club. If you listen to that concert, Josh will gain another fan-for-life. I'm sure of it.

Great New Show
'Dirty Sexy Money' (ABC): If you aren't watching it, start watching the most fun new TV show of the season. A team of gays is the brains behind this oddball dramedy featuring the Darling family, headed by actor Donald Sutherland. The Darlings are super rich, super screwed up and super entertaining. 'Six Feet Under'-alum Peter Krause plays the family lawyer whose job it is to clean up after them all. It also features a transgendered character, respectfully treated by the show and played by transgendered actress Candis Cayne -- who gets to make onscreen sexy time with co-star William Baldwin.

Great New DVD
TLA Video is just releasing a shiny gem starring old-fashioned sissy-galore Paul Lynde in his 1976 'Paul Lynde Halloween Special.' For sissies and the men who love them (like Richard Rothstein).


Again, it's been a pleasure.

Gayly forward,

Kenneth Hill
MySpace: www.myspace.com/gayesteditorever
Email me at: KenHill@aol.com

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Back in the winter of '05, as I was walking barefoot through five miles of snow on my way to school, my friend Huck turned to me and said, "Dick, have you read my blog?" What the F is a blog, I asked though my ice-encrusted mustache. So he told me. I was a bit confused. So you post your inner most thoughts and details of the mundane makings of your incredibly dull day and hundreds of strangers rush to read it? I hate America, I thought. First George W. Bush and now blogs? Yuck. Dumb ass country.

That night, as winter's worst raged outside the tiny window of my unheated garret, my one politically incorrect sperm whale candle flickering tentatively, I booted up my computer and explored Huck's blog. Huck is a ginger so I should have known better. Ginger's look perky but they are dull as Bush spawn. They have more freckles than brains. Within a few minutes, I realized that blogs were the non-pharmaceutical solution to insomnia. I passed out on the timber floor.

The following morning Huck and I were back on the blizzardy path to education. I made an ice ball and bashed him on the head; the blood blended well with his ginger hair and rusty freckles. "What was that for?" Huck whined. "For making me read your blog, you dimwitted idiot. What crap. Call me an elitist, but who the hell cares about your untrained Boston Terrier pup eating an old Superman comic book? Anyhow, thanks for a good night's sleep."

I could see the pain in Huck's eyes. He loved that comic. "You bitch (Huck's a fag), you think your life is more interesting than mine? " "Honey," I shot back, "the crap I took this morning is having a more interesting life than yours." So Huck challenged me. "Prove it! See how long it takes you to beat my tens of devoted readers!"

Well it took me three days. Huck's daily average hovered around 200, and by the end of the week Proceed At Your Own Risk was pushing 500. Within two months, PAYOR was averaging about 5,000 site visits per day.

Two years later, I abandoned PAYOR for AOL and QueerSighted, seduced into corporate servitude by the perky, effervescent and sexy as Hell Kenny Hill. On Monday, October 22, my birthday, I've decided to relaunch PAYOR--but be warned. PAYOR has never been and will never be SAFE FOR WORK, PAYOR will not be kind to gay bashers and comments left by homophobes, even polite ones will be rewarded with official acts of new a**hole ripping. Oh, and none of the annoying **** on PAYOR. PAYOR has always been and will be again be a place for real people in all of their glorious queerness. So please travel with me back to the risky land of PAYOR, that special part of New York City where the girls are tough and the boys are pretty.

I will rage on for as long my arthritis allows! By the way, feel free to email me with your thoughts and comments. All feedback on PAYOR 2.0 would be much appreciated!

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The greatest challenge associated with aging is not morbidity and mortality; it's novelty. More precisely it's the hunger for novelty, a hunger that grows increasingly difficult to satisfy. And when I was asked to review a new Logo film, Coffee Date, which premiered just this past Sunday, I found it very difficult to enjoy and report on the film with an open mind. How many times have I endured this particular story line? Coffee Date poses the prickly question: Can a heterosexual WASPy All-American hunk find love and companionship with a homosexual Latino stud sporting the perfect six-pack? It's the latest and trendy incarnation of the classic buddy movie merged with a social-consciousness raising unlikely romantic couple faced with top-of-mind social and political challenges.

Can rich Roman Catholic Bridget find love with poor Jewish Bernie? Can anal compulsive Felix survive life with Oscar the uber-slob? Can liberal Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy accept their snow white daughter's marriage to intensely African-American Sidney Poitier? Can straight All-American computer programmer Todd and steamy gay Latin lover hair stylist Kelly find love, friendship and sexual compatibility?

The plot of Coffee Date includes just about every romantic comedy convention you can imagine. Todd, our straight boy, ends up on a blind date with a gay man, Kelly--the result of a practical joke played by Todd's homophobic brother, Barry. To Todd's surprise, he and queer Kelly strike up a friendship. Todd and Kelly decide to take revenge on Barry by reversing the joke, convincing Bary that in fact his brother is actually gay. Hi-jinks galore follow with mistaken identifies, gender confusion, more corny gay/straight jokes than you can shake a swizzle stick at--all culminating with some bizarre and politically dicey questions. Can a straight man actually be friends with a gay man unless, in fact the straight man is actually a latent homosexual? And can a gay man be friends with a straight man without falling madly in love and in lust with him? And can the gay man's fag hag save the day?

In somebody's reality--not mine--the only way to answer these world-shattering questions is sex. Am I giving too much of the plot away? Hardly, you'd have to be a blind idiot not to realize very early on that the straight boy and the gay boy are going to end up diddling each other's willies. And then we have to endure the romantic comedy notion that Todd's heterosexuality is confirmed when he "tops" rather than "bottoms" with Kelly. Oh yes, stop and ponder that for a while.

Does their male bonding and brotherly love survive a night of sausage hiding? This is a light romantic comedy so you know the answer without my having to reveal the denouement in this review.

The best I can say is that this after school special quality morality play confirms that queers are struggling with the same issues and problems that trouble everyone else in the course of ordinary life--except for the fact that Felix and Oscar never screwed each other.

Coffee Date is one of the latest of an epidemic of low budget gay films delivering light gay romantic comedy in a Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez kind of way. And, I admit, this is not a genre that I find particularly engaging. Movies like Rumor Has It and Maid In Manhattan are the kinds of flics I watch late at night to help me fall asleep. So if you love that kind of movie and find that it enriches your life, you will love Coffee Date but in a gay way.

For me, Coffee Date is the perfect After School special for gay-straight student alliance members, but Logo will be airing it late in the prime time hours denying those of us who are adults some decent entertainment.

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Why in the Sam Hill are religious nuts the only one's who get to be upset about young kids being exposed to trash and porn? Dagnabbit, I don't want to be exposed to it either! I have to spend at least an hour everyday typing disgusting words into the spam filter on my website. There are people who might want to use the word lesbian in a comment on a lesbian website. But no! It's blocked, along with the words hard, long, young, prescription, ambien, kitten, girl and "the". Ever tried to write without using - - - word, "the"? I hate porn, gawldarnit!

And if I get even one comment telling me that I'm a prude or that I don't get it, I'll turn you inside out and knock you into next week! Don't think I don't know that Rothstein watches porn! I don't care that he watches porn. He's 406 in dog years and needs the porn just to keep his heart beating. Why, I oughta ...

You know what really gets my goat? Marketing alcoholic beverages to kids. Kermit's frog-o-licious malt beverage. Frankenberry wine coolers. Do these companies think 21 years is too long to wait to be an alcoholic? I'd like to wring their necks and clean their clocks and don't think I won't do it!

Here's something else that lights a fire in my furnace! Network executives who produce and push tasteless, insultingly stupid, sexually titillating garbage, disguised as a dating show and get Sony PlayStation and other video game makers to advertise on it. I dare someone to write in and tell me why 10 to 14 year-old's should be the target audience for this unadulterated crap dressed up like a TV show. Go ahead, try it! When I get through with you, you'll wish you'd never been born, dagnabbit!

It riles me to no end that these TV executives will make millions by using the B in LGBTQ, knowing full well that the B in their show, probably isn't really a B, but would do anything for some attention and a pay check. Then just to add insult to injury, they have the gall to use the word "love" in the title. Total strangers dressed up in Halloween costumes, coming on to each other before they've even exchanged a hello, has nothing to do with love. Don't you just hate it when our critics see us as sex-obsessed deviants and not as the normal, loving, productive human beings we really are? Gawldarnit, I hate it when that happens! (No, seriously, I hate that.)

On a lighter note ... you know what I love? Clogging. I don't give a hoot in hell that you don't like it! Shut your pie holes and watch, Dagnabbit! And buy some trousers that fit! You look like you had an accident in your pants and left it there! And don't make me come over there!!

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Organized religion has perpetrated an outrageous and profoundly hurtful con. And an intimidated American media and a conservative mental health community has played the classic enabler role in underpinning this con leading the American people to actually think there is such a thing as an ex-gay. Ex-gays are simply men and women who have been enabled to return to the destructive and soul-crushing world of the Closet. The only difference is that this "reborn" closet is made of glass and allows us all to look in with horror.

Case in point: an obviously damaged and pathologically troubled Charlene Cothran finds herself standing before an adoring crowd of bigots and fundamentalist fanatics at a recent Americans For Truth About Homosexuality fund-raising banquet proclaiming that "the born gay claim is a vicious lie." Ms. Cothran, overwhelmed by a pathologically homophobic society succumbed to the self-delusions and self-loathing of the closet, albeit a glass closet , and now lives in a world of ignorance and dead souls.

Speaking before this modern version of a Ku Klux Klan rally, born again into the Closet, Ms. Cothran betrayed and humiliated her spiritual core and humanity.

"It was right here in Chicago ... back in 2003 at a 'gay pride' event - out in Bryant Park, on a sunlit afternoon where I should have been the proudest lesbian out there....At any other pride event, I was always very proud to be there. ... But on this day a shame fell on me, and something spoke in my spirit and said: 'This is that road that's leading to destruction, and you are on it.' And it was such a loud voice that I could no longer ignore that what I was doing and how I was living was wrong.

"And that afternoon, as young people came up to me - [saying], 'Oh, Miss Cothran, I want to be just like you!' - [I thought:] How am I going to get from where I am back to God? How is that going to happen? And it was a very difficult three years. And it took three years before I finally came to Christ. It was a real battle in the mind.

"How do I tell my partner of ten years that I no longer want to be a lesbian or want this life anymore? How do I tell the people who volunteered for my publication - who helped me build it to the point where I could now live [off] it? "How do I tell them that I am no longer your proud, black lesbian?

"How do I leave 30 years' worth of friendships behind - people who ... we buried each others' parents, we buried each others' neighbors, you know? - friends! ... how do I leave that behind?

"So it took from 2003 to 2006 before the Lord sent a pastor my way: on a Tuesday afternoon. I wasn't at church. I was in my car at a mall: God will meet you where you are! ... And a pastor whom I had never met before - I was in New Jersey; we were publishing another small community newspaper; she was calling about that. And we talked about our business, and then she asked me at the end of that conversation: she said, 'Charlene, where are you in the Lord?'

Charlene, as many of you may recall , was a gay activist and magazine publisher who used the Jesus delusion to succumb to her fears, self-loathing and her sense of isolation in a world that mostly hates her. She fled back to the closet but this time with the "support" and passion of those whose hatred exacerbated her emotional and psychological disorder, her fear and loathing of being who she was born to be.

The worst part of society's buy in to the concept of "ex-gays" is that rather than address the closet as an illness that requires study, treatment and compassion, gays and straights alike attack these damaged souls as clowns, enemies and nut jobs. The mental health profession and our society at large long ago recognized that we had to overcome the stigmas associated with eating disorders, alcoholism, substance abuse, schizophrenia, the long term psychological consequences of slavery and the Holocaust and provide these patient communities with support, hope and cures. Mental health professionals and the population at large understand that these mental disorders require professional care, not baptism.

Schizophrenia is no longer treated by exorcists: the same common sense must be brought to bear on the Closet with the understanding that reparative therapy is simply another variation on the insane practice of exorcism.

I cannot imagine a more anti-social and profoundly ignorant crime than providing a life time supply of free vodka to a lonely alcoholic and then inviting him to a party where he can drink among people who will applaud his liver as it rots. And yet we accept and allow this for Closet cases and their withering humanity. Our politicians, our media and too many members of the clergy support the right of Glass Closet enablers to lure these damaged souls into their fold and then openly and arrogantly encourage the Closet pathology that denies these people any opportunity of achieving sound mental health and a life of fulfillment and wholeness as a human being.

Others may be impressed or intimidated by the imprimatur of organized religion on bigotry, mental abuse and the persecution of a vulnerable and frightened group of people. But the media, the mental health community and the government should be well beyond that in the year 2007. Ex-gay is not a term for "cured homosexual". Neither is it a term for a religious calling. It is an imprecise and offensive word for a serious but treatable mental illness. It is a term that describes a new and frightening incarnation of The Closet, a Glass Closet packed with all of the damage, collateral damage and pathology of the old Closet--only this time it is there for all the world to see. But the visibility factor does not make it better, in fact it makes it worse and we are all guilty for allowing it. The "E" word belongs in the same hall of infamy as the "N" word.

And when the media, mental health professionals and politicians discuss the "E" word as if it is a credible and legitimate alternative to a natural and wonderful state of being, they betray the public trust, the best interests of a modern humanist society and the rights of mentally ill patients who desperately need the intervention of compassionate and reason-based health care.

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Dear Mutts and Moms,

What you did to Ellen and the friends of their family is wrong. You have made it apparent that you are the type of organization that deserves the negative attention that you are receiving. Is it a long time coming? Probably.

If your true main objective is to provide dogs with good, loving homes, than you should be THANKING Ellen Degeneres, not attacking her. How can you sleep at night, knowing you took a little girl's pet away and made her cry? I question the standard of treatment of all the animals in your care as you have made it apparent that the animal's well-being is NOT in your best interest. It makes me sad to hear stories like this because you never want to believe they are true, but somehow they always come to light in the end. People go to shelters because they trust them to do the right thing; now that trust is gone, where will people turn to next?

Sometimes doing the right thing involves violating a "contract" especially when that contract is a worthless piece of paper when the whole picture is brought into perspective. I think a true love for animals is something that is hard to find these days and in the end, the truth will set this poor dog free. Will you make the right decision and give the little girl her dog back? I can only hope and pray that you will give that dog a second chance and put him back in a home the home that is obviously loving and caring.

I, along with thousands of others who are outraged by your actions, are hoping and praying that you make the right decision.

Regards,
Renee

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So, it is in the spirit of Thomas Briggs, Mr. Rogers, and smiling neighbor ladies everywhere, that I roll out the first official "Queer Welcome Wagon"!


For all you self-righteous rubes, pious pin-heads, hateful homophobes, and virtuous vomiters of vitriol, Welcome to Queersighted! I wouldn't think this site would be your cup of tea, but you're here in huge numbers and you seem to have a lot to say. For instance, here are just a few "holy unprovoked" comments from recent days ...

1) Orlando Mom wants us to know that

You shouldn't wish AIDS on people, even if you don't like them. I wouldn't wish AIDS on Orlando Mom, even though I hate her more than Richard Rothstein hates deer ticks. Would it bother me if I heard that she had been slowly digested by a Florida swamp critter or dismembered in a freak accident at a Christian Amusement Park? No. I'm not saying it would be god's will ... but that kind of thing happens in Orlando.

2) In the "hateful homophobe" category, our new neighbor, "Daniel", dropped by just to say a quick, "hate you all", in a post where young kids were talking about their painful coming out experiences. You should know, Daniel, that by posting that comment, everyone here knows that you are either in denial about your own sexuality, or you are a future serial killer. It's okay if you're gay Daniel, but it's not okay if you are pulling the legs off of frogs.

And finally, an impassioned plea from Karin, who crawled out of the vomitorium just long enough to let us know WHAT SHE WAS THINKING ....

3) "YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK I AM VOMITING AFTER THIS BRIEF ENCOUNTER HERE....WHAT ARE YOU THINKING...YOU ARE SICK ....GET IN THE CLOSET GO GO ....I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS...SICK...WHERE IN THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THESE THOUGHTS? WHO HAS TIME TO PUT TOWARDS WHARPED THINKING...OH MY MY...YUK I AM A FEMALE AND PROUD WHY WOULD I CHANGETHIS... I LOVE WHAT GOD GAVE US MEN......RUN TO THE CLOSET.... " (by karin)

Just for "stooping" by our neighborhood, I would like to present all three of you an official Queer Welcome Wagon basket. In it you will find a valuable coupon for Dramamine (for vomiting), a 50% off voucher for a Lesbian "non-violent communications seminar", and a free pass to "Gay Day" at God's Will Christian Amusement Park in Orlando. And as a special "thank you", you will all receive a free car to drive for a month!

And now it's time to announce the grand prize winner of the first annual

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